Predictable
by Patches
Summary: Roxanne was the damsel in distress. The pawn. The throwaway character. The walking cliche. A retelling of the film from her point of view, however, indicates that this most definitely wasn't the case.
1. Destined for what?

After reading so many movie reviews that simply wrote Roxanne off as a "Lois Lane ripoff" and giving no further input on her character, I decided to write an essay exploring just how much character Roxanne had, using scenes from the movie to back me up. As I was compiling my evidence, though, I soon discovered just how MUCH of the movie I'd need to reference to make my case, and thus changed tactics.

What was originally a straight character study essay became a retelling of the film itself from Roxanne's point of view, inserting her thoughts into each scene to illustrate precisely how her character progressed throughout the story and what her driving motivations must have been. Therefore, I now present... Roxanne's side of the story.

* * *

**Predictable**

_Chapter 1: Destined for... what?  
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* * *

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Here's my day so far: Got kidnapped, alienated most of my friends, and was nearly crushed by the same building _twice_. Things really couldn't get much worse.

Oh, that's right. I'm about to be pulverized by a superpowered madman. Guess they can...

How did it all come to this? My story starts at the beginning. The very-

No, actually, the _very_ beginning is probably completely irrelevant to most of what's going on. I had a fairly standard childhood, and I mean that in the least facetious of terms. Went to school, got decent grades, and lived with my parents until I went off to college. I couldn't decide on a major my freshman year, but after joining friends in a number of extracurricular activities such as the student newspaper and the ham radio club, I finally decided to pursue a degree in journalism. It wasn't fate or destiny or anything, I simply chose a path that fit my interests. Like I said, standard. Normal.

Upon graduating college, I landed an internship at KMCP News, which really didn't involve much "journalism" and instead consisted mostly of clerical work. It was through this that I came to see a distinct pattern in the headlines plastered over the reports that graced my "to file" box.

"Metro Man vs. Megamind". "Metro Man Victorious". "Megamind Defeated Again". "Metro Man: Continuing Defender of Metro City". Metro Man wins, Megamind loses, lather, rinse, repeat. It seemed like this headline cycle should eventually get old, that the public would grow bored of it. It was predictable. Inevitable. Like running a top story of "Moon Fails to Strike Earth". That's a relief and all, but was there any expectation otherwise?

Life went on like this for longer than I care to admit. But I was fine with that, really. Metro Man always defeated Megamind, and that was a good thing. Maybe the repetitive headlines were just a way to remind people to count their blessings. I certainly did. I had a job - not necessarily the job I'd dreamed of when I graduated, but it allowed me an adequate living. A life I could live as I pleased thanks to the city's defender. A normal life.

I can point to the exact moment all of that changed. It started with my boss pointing at me and declaring, "Rachel, I need you!"

"Roxanne..." I corrected. He wasn't paying attention to me, and instead shoved a handheld camcorder into my hands, then pointed sternly at the building's exit.

"Megamind has disrupted all wireless communication in the city. The televisions, radios, cellphones, and wifi are all down, so we have no way to gather reports on Metro Man's or Megamind's whereabouts." He hurriedly pushed me towards the door, continuing, "We can't miss this story, so we need every eye we've got on the sky to make sure we've got something to show for it when we go back on the air!" It was telling that he said "when" we go back on the air. He knew as well as I did what the outcome of this would be even if none of it got on tape.

I was grateful for the opportunity, though. If I managed to be the one to snag some footage, it would finally get me some recognition at the station. My boss might even learn my name. With that incentive, I mulled over what I knew of the Metro Man/Megamind rivalry from the multitude of news reports that had crossed my hands and used that information to choose my location.

The steps of City Hall. Yeah, it was obvious and I'd probably have quite a bit of competition for space, but at least I'd have a good shot at getting-

Wait, _no one_? Really? Was City Hall _too_ obvious or something and none of the other KMCP staff wanted to bother with it? Or was I barking up completely the wrong tree here? After seeing so much of the same, I figured I knew those two...

Boom. Not twenty feet in front of me, an impossibly-muscular white-clad man with even more impossibly perfect hair landed on the steps. From his hand dangled a much smaller person, blue-skinned in tight black leather. Metro Man and Megamind. I could recognize those two blindfolded, that's how often their images had graced my reports. Yet this was my first time seeing them in person.

I quickly fumbled with my camcorder and began filming just as Metro Man demanded, "All right, Megamind. You've lost, so tell me what you've done to the city's communications."

"Oh, have I lost?" sneered Megamind from his limply swaying position. "I believe there has been some _miscommunication_, considering you have yet to figure out my grand scheme with your feeble... meat-headed... mind," his head cocking and his lips curling further with each word. "Metrocity is mine so long as I control its airwaves."

"Well I don't think the populace will be very _receptive_ to that," Metro Man taunted back. "Time to pull the plug on your operation."

"Your threats are all _white noise_ to me," Megamind responded, waving his hands mockingly by his ears. Seriously, my battery was going to run out if they kept this up for much longer. Megamind examined the back of his hand confidently and added, "You will never discover how I managed to infect every communication device in the city with my eeeevil."

Metro Man balled his free fist in frustration and dramatically announced, "Curses, how far do your dark powers reach? To be able to tamper with every device in the city...!"

I pulled my eye from the viewfinder and blinked in confusion for a moment. Did he... honestly not know? I suppose that was the result of my being in ham radio in college, as my constant exposure to techies caused me to just take for granted that everyone knew this stuff. I honestly didn't know what course material was required for a BA in Superhero.

"He doesn't have to disable all the devices individually," I called over to them. "He just has to broadcast a strong enough signal on their carrier frequencies to disrupt their ability to communicate."

Metro Man looked over at me - directly _at_ me, and I suddenly felt very small. Megamind flailed in his grip and shouted, "No, no, she's just a girl with a camera! What does she know? This plan involves tinkering, _so_ much tinkering! Tiny wrenches and screws, inserting evil microchips into every person's _tee_-vee, radio, and phone!"

I shook my head. "No, he'd just need a large antenna. Something tall, metallic..."

"_You_ stay out of this, strangely-educated random bystander!" Megamind demanded, pointing at me. However, neither Metro Man nor I were paying attention to him, both of us instead gazing at the same object.

"Metro Tower..." we said in unison. Metro Man narrowed his eyes as if in deep concentration, then announced, "I can't hear any static coming from Metro Tower."

"You see?" Megamind announced triumphantly. "Don't pay any attention to her and focus on the millions of evil microchips that I have..."

"Radio waves aren't sound, they're light," I interrupted.

Megamind threw his arms in the air. "Would you _stop_ that?" He quickly shrugged his shoulders and added, "I mean, honestly, radio is something you _listen_ to. How can it be light if you can't _see_ it? That's just silly!" Megamind then lowered his eyebrows in a menacing glare and discreetly jabbed a black-gloved finger in my direction, subtly shaking his head.

"That's because-"

"No, don't say it!"

"-the light is-"

"LALALALALALA!"

I took a deep breath and finished in annoyance, "-at a wavelength invisible to the human eye."

Metro Man squinted back in the direction of Metro Tower as Megamind pleaded, "Don't listen to her, she's talking about _invisible_ things now! Can you honestly-"

"I can see it!" Metro Man interrupted. "My Super Vision allows me to see beyond the spectrum normally visible to humans. There are red waves coming off Metro Tower's antenna!"

"How can they be red if they're invisibleeeee...!" Megamind yelled as he was carted away into the sky. I pulled out my cellphone and checked its signal, and not thirty seconds later, it was back to full bars.

Thus ended yet another Metro Man/Megamind confrontation on a generally predictable note. Though I felt a bit proud of myself that not only did I assist in Metro Man's latest victory, I had it recorded to boot. Maybe this would finally get me noticed at the station.

This ended up being a case of "careful what you wish for". Not only was the station manager thrilled about me landing an "interview" with _both_ Metro Man and Megamind, he let me know that Metro Man had never been so forthcoming to the reporters before, and therefore I must have some sort of special gift. Suddenly my journalism degree was more than just a pretty piece of paper, and I was promoted to an on-camera position.

So overwhelmed with joy over my sudden good fortune, during my first real broadcast I couldn't help but give a nod to the man who made it possible: "I just wanted to give a heartfelt 'thank you' to Metro Man, defender of Metro City. You are an inspiration to us all, and our lives are infinitely better thanks to your guidance. You have a special place in the city's heart, and mine as well."

There were a few things wrong with this. One, which I didn't realize until I watched a later taping, was that I had been billed as "Roseanne Rich" in the segment's caption. I'd have to talk to my boss about that. Two, yeah, it was probably a bit presumptuous for a rookie to go into a personal speech her first day on the job. And three... _Ohhhhhh_, and three...

I only realized I'd been knocked unconscious when I slowly began to come to, only to realize that everything was still dark and smelled of... potatoes. The last thing I remembered was fumbling for my keys at the front door to my apartment complex. Had I... been assaulted? Mugged? Or worse...? Was I dead? Left in a dumpster? Was I bleeding anywhere? I tried to move, only to find my arms and legs were restrained. In a panic, I began to scream for help.

Suddenly, the potato-smelling sack was lifted from my head, and I found myself face-to-face with...

"Megamind?" I gasped in shock. Really, it was a shock. I'd filed hundreds of news stories on him, and I had never once run across one about him resorting to kidnapping or something as mundane as a mugging. He always went for the grand, flashy schemes that seemed more for the sake of drowning the city in his ego than actually hurting anyone. What did he want with me? I didn't even know the guy personally, but I just had the gut feeling that a personal assault of a non-Metro Man citizen simply _wasn't his MO_.

"Yes, _scream_, Miss Ritchi. Scream for your beloved Metro Mahn. I'm afraid no one will be coming to your rescue today," Megamind crooned, sticking his chin haughtily in the air.

For some reason, the thing that struck me the most about that statement was, "Wait... how did you know my name?"

"Ohhh, you thought you could be _tricky_, could you? Using a _pseudonym_ for your broadcasts?" he accused, strangely pronouncing the "p". "You will have to do more than that to fool _this_ criminal genius."

"Roxanne Ritchi..." came another voice behind me that gave me a jump. He had backup? None of the reports mentioned Megamind having a minion. I couldn't turn around to look, but I heard typing at a keyboard as the voice continued, "Age twenty-five, graduated with honors from Metro State University with a degree in journalism, chief editor of the Metro State Sentinel, member of the Broadcasting Club, and voted by her peers as 'Most likely to get abducted by an alien'."

"Hooray, I'm glad I didn't let them down," I cheered dryly. I was simultaneously flattered and appalled that the only person in the entire city who had taken the time to get to know me was the city's resident supervillain.

Megamind slowly wheeled his chair around me, looking me over intently. I was a little creeped out, but I noticed that his eyes lacked any predatory glint. His examination of me seemed more... curious in nature. Like he'd never seen a woman up close before or something. Still, I didn't appreciate his attentions and sighed, "Is there a reason you kidnapped me, or am I just here to be your new decoration?"

He snapped back to attention, seemingly shocked at himself that he'd even lost it. Lacing his fingers together, he intoned, "Er, yes. There is certainly a reason. An _evil_, _sinister_ reason, the likes of which you cannot possibly comprehend!"

He pulled a giant lever, whose effect was apparently just to turn on a moderate-sized television screen in front of me. The screen fizzled for a moment, then a clip from my camcorder recording began playing. "My Super Vision allows me to see beyond the spectrum normally visible to humans," came Metro Man's low-quality audio voice from the aged television.

Megamind slapped his hand down on the top of the set, either turning it off or breaking it, I wasn't sure. "It appears that Metro Man trusts you with the secrets of his power." He glared at me and pointed menacingly, "You will tell me all you know. If you don't comply, I will torture it out of you."

"All I know?" I replied in exasperation. "'All I know' is what you just showed me on the screen! That's the first - and last - time I've ever spoken to him! KMCP sensationalized it, yes, I know! But believe me, I'm sure you know more about him than I do!"

"Lies!" he retorted hitting the TV again, which somehow caused it to flash back to life with video of my first professional broadcast.

"You have a special place in the city's heart, and mine as well," I heard my own voice say, though I glared flatly at the "Roseanne Rich" plastered under my face. Now that I saw it again, the whole thing _was_ pretty ridiculous.

Megamind leaned heavily on the giant lever that controlled the television set, finally getting it to switch off, but not before the recording of my segment ended and was replaced by a few seconds of an episode of "Pinky and the Brain". He sauntered back in my direction with long, sweeping strides, hands lightly clasped behind his back. "You can deny it all you wish, Miss Ritchi, but the evidence clearly shows that there is more in play between the two of you than a mere _chahnce_ meeting." He gripped the back of the chair I was tied to and leered in my face menacingly, accusing, "It is perfectly clear to me that _you_ and Metro Man are..."

Are...? We sat staring at each other in silence for several seconds. I had no suitable word with which to complete that sentence, and from the look in his eyes, he didn't seem to know what term he was prompting me for, either.

"In love?" suggested the chipper voice from the shadows. I let out a snort, which caused Megamind to recoil backwards. In love? From just _that_? What sort of twisted opinion of love did these people have if they thought that-

Suddenly, the roof above us exploded, showering timber and insulation onto our heads. Metro Man descended into the lair, landing heavily enough to disturb the dust on the floor. Pulling himself up straight, he slowly surveyed the surroundings, cracking his knuckle into his palm. "Megamind... I'd never thought even _you_ would resort to something as low as kidnapping a helpless woman."

Megamind jumped back and fumbled at the holster at his hip, drawing some kind of firearm and pointing it at my head. I recoiled as far as I could in my bound position, squeezing my eyes shut in fear. Megamind had only ever racked up lifetime prison sentences... he didn't kill people, he didn't kill people, I was going to be okay...

"Oh... come to rescue her, have you?" As an aside, Megamind harshly whispered to his minion, "How did he even find out about this?"

"You forget my Super Hearing," Metro Man announced to him, pointing at his ears. "And it was really quite simple. I wanted to thank Miss Rich for helping me the other day-"

"Ritchi," both Megamind and I corrected.

"- and found that she had apparently not returned home from work in a timely manner," he continued without pausing. "I feared Megamind may have been plotting some sort of sinister revenge, so I used my Super X-ray Vision to locate-"

"Ha HA!" Megamind interrupted. He turned back and shouted, "Minion, are you getting all this?"

"Super Hearing, Super X-ray Vision... logged and accounted-for in future plans, sir."

"Now hold on a sec..." Metro Man said, advancing forward, but Megamind pressed the barrel of his whatever-it-was harder into my temple, causing him to stop.

"Oh! The great Metro _Maahn_ can't take one step so long as I have the lovely Miss Ritchi in my clutches, I see! Minion, are you logging this?" he shouted excitedly, turning around again.

"Weakness for Miss Ritchi... logged and accounted-for in future plans, sir." ... Why did I not like the sound of that?

However, when Megamind turned back around to face Metro Man, Metro Man was a whole lot closer than he'd been before. In fact, he was so close that Megamind was hoisted in the air by the front of his shirt, his strange-looking gun effortlessly knocked from his hand. Metro Man shook his head in disapproval, clicking his tongue and chastising, "I don't believe you... tormenting an innocent citizen like this just to get to me..."

"Um, supervillain?" Megamind reminded, pointing at himself. "It's part of the job description."

And once again, yet another encounter with Megamind ended on an ultimately predictable note, though all the papers and news programs the next day were plastered with images of Metro Man holding Megamind in one hand, me in the other. News quickly spread that I was Metro Man's love interest - news which only served to solidify Megamind's interest in me even more.

I was apparently destined to be the damsel in distress. The die had been cast, and thus began a lifelong career of kidnappings, rescues, and sensationalizing in the media.

And I soon grew sick of it.

The kidnappings quickly got more elaborate. Tie me to some railroad tracks here, dangle me from the muzzle of a rampaging mech there... the sets may have changed, but the plot was always essentially the same. The headlines were sometimes "Metro Man's Victory". Other times they were "Megamind's Defeat". But all the while, my role in the matter drew increasingly little coverage, aside from my new job description. One had the name Metro Man. The other Megamind. I was branded something a little more humble:

Roxanne Ritchi: KMCP News Anchor and Professional Damsel in Distress.


	2. You'll always be a villain

Fun fact: _arachnis deathicus_ would actually be a species of moth or orchid, not spider.

* * *

**Predictable**

_Chapter 2: You'll always be a villain_

* * *

I rummaged through my closet, trying to find the perfect dress for today's occasion. This afternoon would mark the grand opening and dedication of the new Metro Man Museum, and as I was the media's de-facto liaison to anything concerning Metro Man, I was naturally the one assigned to the on-site report. Therefore, finding the perfect outfit was essential. I'd be outside, surrounded by throngs of people, participating in a celebration, and most importantly...

I'd be getting kidnapped.

Megamind didn't exactly keep to a strict kidnapping schedule, so under normal circumstances I could predict the timing of his next plan about as well as I could predict the weather. Cloudy with a 60% chance of abduction, bring extra shoes just in case. But in today's case? See paragraph one. There was no way he wasn't showing up for something like _this_. It felt kind of nice that, for once, I could anticipate it in my schedule for the day and plan accordingly.

Getting kidnapped meant I shouldn't wear something that would flip up when flying through the air. Something that wouldn't tear if I ended up stretched out on a rack. Something that wouldn't choke if I was bound in an awkward position. And most importantly, something that would hold up to a significant amount of manhandling so that I'd still be presentable in the image that would grace the front page of tomorrow's papers. I'd had enough embarrassment seeing pictures featuring an exposed bra strap or an unsightly run in my nylons thanks to the less-than-gentle situations that tended to precede my inevitable rescues.

I reached the back of the clothes rack and came upon a violet dress with ruffled straps that I had completely forgotten about. I immediately rejected that dress, as it was more of a style for a social occasion, but I had forgotten I'd even bought it. How long ago had it been? I examined the unclipped tag, wondering if it would even still fit anymore.

My final choice ended up being a strapless, form-fitting red dress with black trim. No bra straps to worry about, tight enough to not flip up, flexible enough to keep me comfortable while I waited to be rescued yet smooth enough to not show significant signs of dirt and wrinkling to the cameras. Perfect. I twirled my brush in my hand, then turned to my mirror, speaking into it like a microphone. "This is Roxanne Ritchi signing off. I'll see you tomorrow with my report on my latest rescue."

What had happened to me after all these years? For the first few kidnappings, I'd been terrified. However, upon coming to realize Megamind's less-than-lethal intentions towards me, despite all his posturing, I became annoyed. If you're going to interrupt my life on a regular basis, at least make it worth my while. I'd almost rather really have my life in danger if it meant that the kidnappings meant... _anything_. He'd never even demanded that I marry or join him in any other perverse act. I didn't actually mean anything to him, this was just an elaborate game. That went for _both_ of them, really. And to keep my sanity, I'd learned that I'd have to play along.

Shouldering my purse, I checked my cellphone out of habit. No new calls, as usual. Why would it be any other way? Don't bother calling Roxanne, she's probably tied up right now. She's dating a superhero, talk about high standards. Leave her alone, you don't want Metro Man to think you're moving in on his turf.

Dating Metro Man... I wish. Not because he particularly appealed to me, but because then it at least wouldn't _matter_ that I constantly overheard such whispers and accusations. Then I'd have someone to talk to, at least. Someone I could wear that dress for. Someone who would see me as an actual player in their game rather than a mere set piece.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely appreciated everything Metro Man did for the city, given the alternative if he wasn't around. Which... with as much as I knew about Megamind, I wasn't entirely sure what that would entail. But Metro Man was defender of the whole of Metro City, not just me, so it was only proper that he treat me with no higher importance than any other citizen.

I'm not Metro Man's girlfriend, I just play her on TV. Public opinion had cast me into that role, and disavowing any relationship with him would turn me into a pariah. It was sacrilegious, almost, to make any comment that could be perceived as tarnishing our shining white savior's image. If people already treaded lightly around me now due to my perceived status, what would they think if _Metro Man_ apparently wasn't even good enough for me? Thanks to Metro Man I had a steady job and a decent place to live; was I really willing to risk losing my entire livelihood just to escape from this endless game?

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a rendition of "Shave and a Haircut in G Major for One Car Horn" playing outside my window. I glanced over the edge of my balcony and saw the KMCP News van parked out front with my cameraman waving from the window. I had to smile a little at myself at my own hypocrisy. All this moaning about not having a social life, yet there was one guy who was always eager to talk to me. It's just that this guy was... well... Hal. I knew beggars can't be choosers, but that didn't mean I should be expected to just, you know... _settle_. My standards weren't nearly at "Superhero" levels as so many believed, but I still _had_ standards.

I inhaled and let out a slow, controlled breath, slapping my palms lightly to my cheeks. Okay, Roxanne, time to go out there and do your report, get kidnapped, get rescued, go home, go to bed. Just a typical day. You can do this, you've done it a hundred times before. Why would today be any different?

* * *

"Happy Metro Man Day, Metro City." And it was, oddly enough, a happy day. The weather was gorgeous, there were hundreds of families gathered at the base of the museum steps, and vendors were selling balloons and churros molded into an "M" shape. These festive occasions were the absolute best things to cover, and I rarely got the opportunity given the one-topic nature of my typical assignments. The social atmosphere, people carrying on enjoying themselves, the fresh air... we needed more Metro Man-themed holidays that I could participate in. Simply the act of receiving a Metro Man balloon animal from a kind random vendor made me feel... welcome. Less cynical. Like for once I could do something Metro Man-related and actually _enjoy_ it.

I let out a wistful sigh and continued with my report. "It's a beautiful day in beautiful downtown where we're here to honor a beautiful man: Metro Man." Over-the-top, yes. But so was he. This was Metro Man day, and by golly, if that wasn't an excuse to ham things up to the extreme, I didn't know what was. "His heart is an ocean that's inside a bigger ocean. For years, he's been watching us with his Super Vision, saving us with his Super Strength, and caring for us with his Super Heart. Now it's our turn to give something back. This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting live from the dedication of the Metro Man Museum."

I gave the motion to cut the camera, then made a quick, instinctive glance behind me. Everything seemed normal so far... no explosions, no black smoke, no knock-out gas... I hated having to live with this paranoid expectation, especially in light of the fact that I was actually having fun for the first time in ages.

Hal had unshouldered the camera, muttering to himself, "Wow, okay, the stuff they make you read on-air is un-freaking-believable."

"I wrote that piece myself, Hal," I commented, hand on my hip. It wasn't my best piece, sure, but I was living in the moment, and like hell I was going to let him drag me down out of it prematurely. Megamind would do that soon enough.

Hal paused stiffly, then apprehensively turned around, correcting, "What I was trying to say was, I can't believe that in our modern society, they let, like, actual _art_ get onto the news."

"Nice save, Hal!" I congratulated.

"What are we doing? Let's just, like, get a coffee or something," he suggested nonchalantly.

We're already at a party! Full of people! And _we_ were specifically invited, is that not enough? "Come on, it's time to get into the Metro Man Day spirit!"

"Well, if I was Metro Man, Megamind wouldn't be _kidnapping_ you all the time." ... Yeah, thanks for reminding me. Happy thoughts, this was a good day, we were at a party...

"That's sweet, Hal..." I strained out, trying to maintain my smile. I really wished he'd just shut up.

"You know, I'd be _watching_ you... like... a dingo watches a human baby." ... _Really_ wished he'd just shut up. Thankfully even Hal must have realized he was starting to overstep things and quickly added, "That sounded... okay, that sounded a little weird..."

"Little bit, yeah..." He wandered off to put away the camera, muttering under his breath, and I could only stand and watch, feeling a little guilty. Of all the men in the city, he was the only one stupid enough to so casually approach "Metro Man's woman"; something that both made me grateful and uncomfortable at the same time. I appreciated having him to talk to, I really did, but he was so... superficial. He wasn't someone I felt I could trust with my inner insecurities, as he'd likely either panic or completely brush them off. So, Hal, thank you, but... I'm sorry.

Because I'm getting kidnapped now.

* * *

I awoke to find my cheek pressed against cool leather, my body being harshly jostled back and forth by force of inertia. Without even opening my eyes, I knew where I was: the back seat of Megamind's invisible car. It always had that "new car smell", and I wasn't sure if it was because he had it refurbished every time he took it out, or if that was the scent of the air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror.

My wrists and ankles were bound, but I made no attempt to struggle. I'd been hit with Megamind's knock-out spray so many times that my body had built up a tolerance to it, and it therefore only kept me out for a minute or two at most nowadays. I'd never let that fact slip, however, and instead preferred to play possum until the timing seemed suitable for me to feign regaining consciousness.

I could hear him and Minion chattering excitedly to each other in the front seat. They were difficult to hear over the sound of the engine, but I distinctly heard something about a "death ray". Oh, goody. And here I was hoping to be suspended over an alligator tank or tied to a band saw. But a death ray, well then. It _was_ the dedication of the Metro Man Museum, so I guess he wanted something equally special to show his support.

The car came to a halt and I put on my best "unconscious reporter" act as I heard the rear door open. I silently hoped to myself that there wouldn't be a bag this time, but that thought was cut short by the bag. It still smelled of potatoes, but the smell was now mingled with those of my perfume and shampoo, leaving a scent that was pleasant enough for my nose to allow it into my throat, where it suddenly stagnated and made me want to gag. My only consolation was that I was his first and only kidnapping victim, and therefore the dandruff, skin flakings, and dried sweat inside the bag were not foreign substances.

I was hefted over Minion's furry shoulder and felt him begin to walk with heavy, robotic steps. The bag continued to muffle any voices, but I could still make out the distinctive "bowg bowg" noises of his small robotic helpers. We must be in his lair, wherever he's set up shop this time. Honestly, it was amazing there were any usable buildings left in the city, with the number of lairs he'd gone through which Metro Man had promptly discovered and destroyed. And how did he get all this stuff set up while he was _in jail_? One would think that a criminal mastermind who was able to pull _that_ off would have a slightly more productive track record to show for it.

It was when I felt us move to what seemed to be an elevator platform that I realized that I was not alone in the bag. What I had originally thought was a loose strand of my own hair began to crawl with its own power across my cheek and over my nose. Oh god, there's a spider in the bag. Couldn't he be courteous enough to at least _check_ for this sort of thing first? The smell, I could tolerate, the grime, I could bear, but I did _not_ want this thing to bite me and leave a golf ball-sized welt on my forehead for a week. If I came out of this with a giant red spot on my face, people might get the wrong impression that Megamind was actually dangerous.

I began to kick and struggle, not caring about timing anymore, so long as it got rid of the spider. I heard Megamind and Minion's voices lower to an excited hush, and quickly found myself seated in a familiar chair. When the bag was not immediately removed, I began to squirm and grumble, trying to get the spider off my nose. What was he doing, preening? Just take the damn bag off already!

Finally the bag, along with the spider, was removed, and Megamind swiveled his chair around slowly to face me, stroking one of his brain-bots in his lap. "Miss Ritchi... we meet again..." he intoned darkly.

"Would it _kill_ you to wash the bag?" I shouted, ignoring whatever cool image he was trying to display.

He, however, was ignoring me as well, continuing, "You can scream _all_ you wish, Miss Ritchi. I'm afraid _no one_ can hear you!"

I glared flatly at him through my eyelashes. The only reason I'd been making those little shrieks before was because of the spider. Megamind, I had long ago learned, was no one to fear. He postured, he dramatized, but in the end, he came across as more of a child screaming for attention than someone with truly malicious intent. I'd always been told to ignore those kinds of people and they'd eventually give up, but try as I might to ignore him, Megamind never took the hint that no one was buying his act.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Megamind furrowed his brows in apparently honest confusion and wondered, "Why isn't she screaming?" Oh please, when was the last time I _ever_ screamed because of you?

"Miss Ritchi, if you don't mind," Minion prompted from over my shoulder.

"Like this: AAAHHHHH!" Megamind suggested, dramatically clutching his brain-bot to his chest. "That's a 'poor lady' scream." The brain-bot in his arms apparently didn't appreciate such manhandling and bit down on his hand, causing him to shriek for real, spinning in his chair in an attempt to dislodge it.

I sighed. He was almost painful to watch sometimes. On some occasions, a part of me was tempted to speak up and suggest that we forget about today's evil plan and just all go out and get a cup of coffee, then call it a day and go home. Though now that I looked around, he did appear to have some sort of coffee maker stashed in the corner, decked out with spikes and blue lightning bolts. I wondered if it was self-modded or if it came like that.

"Is there some kind of nerdy supervillain website where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?" I asked absently, not wanting to give Megamind the chance to steer the conversation to some other topic concerning my less-than-damsel behavior.

Minion spoke up helpfully and chirped, "Actually, most of it comes from an outlet store in-"

"_Don't_ answer that!" came Megamind's voice from the confines of his chair, still attempting to pry the stubborn brain-bot off his hand.

Minion complied for approximately two seconds, before he finished, "-Romania."

"DON'T!" Megamind commanded again, violently wheeling himself in our direction, brain-bot still firmly lodged to his arm. "She's using her nosy reporter skills on your weak-willed mind... to find out all our secrets." Oh, please, both you and Metro Man give up this information gladly and voluntarily to anyone willing to listen, if there's a chance it'll impress them. Megamind leaned in closer, softly informing me, "Such _tricks_... won't work... on me..." He stressed each segment by slowly wheeling his chair around me, but he ended up coming across as more flirtatious than menacing.

"Please talk slower..." I teased back.

"Temptress..." he whispered, wheeling away. I couldn't hold in my gasp of actual surprise. ... _Was_ he flirting?

"Wait, what _secrets_?" I gasped out, backtracking to a less flustering portion of the conversation. "You're _so_ predictable!" Though I had to admit... that whisper in my ear had been a little unnervingly... not predictable.

"Predictable? _Predictable_?" he stressed, wheeling back towards his overly-convoluted control panel. Rising, and finally dislodging the brain-bot from his hand, he sneered at me and gripped a lever, challenging, "You call _this_ predictable?"

I didn't even have to look, and before the lever was even fully thrown responded, "Yes, _alligators_," as the floor opened up beneath me, revealing a swarm of snapping amphibious reptiles. "Yeah, I was thinking about it on the way over."

He hurriedly searched the control panel for another switch to throw. "What's this? Boom! In your face!"

A gatling gun sprang from the floor aimed at my face, the barrel rotating once before locking. I raised an eyebrow at it before commenting, "Cliche."

"No, look, watch!" he pleaded, desperately fumbling for the controls. Something that looked like a mass of drills descended from above my head and I glanced at them nonchalantly.

"Juvenile." A circular saw. "Tacky." A rotating wheel of boots... which would have been creative if he hadn't already used it two weeks ago. "Seen it." A flame-thrower. "Garish."

He finally collapsed on his control panel, having apparently exhausted his entire arsenal. I was about to comment when a familiar figure slowly descended into my line of vision, swaying slightly with my breath. Smirking teasingly, I commented, "Okay, the spider's new."

"Spider?" he wondered, looking up from where he lay. After a moment of silence, he composed himself, striding towards me. "Ah, yes, the _spyiiider_," he very unconvincingly threatened, making sweeping motions with his hands. "Even the smallest bite from _arachnis deathicus_ will instantly paralyze-" I blew the spider into his face. That's for not washing the bag.

Minion attempted to swat the spider from his master's face, but only succeeded in bowling him over instead. Megamind writhed on the ground while I rolled my eyes in exasperation. "Oh, give it _up_, Megamind, your plans never work!" Please, for everyone's sake, just... throw in the towel. This game has gone on for _decades_. Someone needs to just give up before someone gets killed, and in both cases, that "someone" is unlikely to be Metro Man. The definition of insanity is doing something repeatedly and expecting a different result, and after all this time... seriously, _what do you expect_? Your track record of defeat is so unbrokenly, so testably, so repeatably perfect that they could coin a scientific theory after it. The Megamind Theory of Utter Failure. If you've taught the world anything, it's how _not_ to be an effective supervillain.

Megamind shakily rose to his feet, attempting to maintain some air of dignity but utterly failing. Lip trembling, he announced, "Let's stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we?" He actually looked... hurt. Like he was honestly pained by my calling him a failure.

Whatever emotional pain that had been marring his face was replaced by physical when the brain-bot came back for another taste.

I turned my head to the side to keep myself from having to see his pained face as Minion gingerly pried his master's arm from the offending robot's grip. If he was that upset about this, then why was he even doing it in the first place? Had it come down to all of us merely going through the motions of this game with no one having any honest motivation anymore? Like me, were they, too, trapped in the roles that society's expectations had laid out, too terrified of losing what little they had to question it?

Habit can be self-defeating, but at least it's familiar. Predictable. Change, though. Change is a scary thing. So it was all we could do to just huddle in the frying pan in fear of the fire beyond.


	3. Who would I be without you?

**Predictable**

_Chapter 3: Who would I be without you?_

* * *

"Aaaa-hahahahaha!"

"Boring."

"Fine then, how about _this_?" He cleared his throat, then started low in pitch, while gradually rising with a "MuahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Overused."

Megamind glared at me flatly, then held a hand daintily to his cheek, belting out a high-pitched "OOOO-HOHOHOHOHO!" I cringed. What the hell was _that_?

"Well, that last one is definitely... unnerving," I admitted. Seeing the smirk on his face, I quickly added, "But only if you want to come across as a banshee." He shrank back and I let out a sigh of relief. There was no way I was going to be seen kidnapped by someone who introduced himself with _that_ laugh.

"Minion, our captive does not seem to be particularly well-versed in the fine art of maniacal laughter. Tell me," he asked excitedly, hopping lightly from one foot to the other, "which one do you think would strike sufficient terror into the hearts of the citizens of Metrocity?"

Not the third one. Please not the third one. Minion glanced in my direction briefly and must have noticed my clenched teeth and panicked expression, then replied, "I believe the second one is most suitable for an event like today's, sir. Like your tastes in music, it's old, but instantly recognizable."

"Always the voice of reason," Megamind congratulated, giving his companion a friendly punch on his furry shoulder. Come on, if Minion was the voice of reason, he should have told his master to stop this ages ago. Of course, for all I knew he _had_, but Megamind only listened to him when his reason provided him with the answer he already wanted.

Megamind skidded on his heels over to another console lined with several television monitors. Some of the monitors showed various angles of the ongoing museum dedication, meaning that he must have already had cameras hidden in the crowd somewhere. Metro Man was there, but seemed perfectly oblivious to this. He hadn't even bothered to notice that I was missing.

Megamind summoned a brain-bot mounted with a video camera and switched on the monitor connected to it, using it as a mirror to check his teeth. He then administered two shots of throat spray to the back of his mouth, ruffled out his collar, then grasped a lever on the console, turning back to me with an evil grin. "Now, Miss Ritchi, watch as your beloved Metro Man falls right into my clutches."

"Mm-hmm," I said with a nonchalant nod, pursing my lips. "I've seen this one before, I know how it ends."

With a dramatic throw of the lever, the cameras showing the museum audience went dark as thick black fog covered the area. Megamind tapped the tips of his fingers together in excited anticipation, the view on the screen swinging around to the front of the museum, locking solidly on Metro Man's figure. In his excitement, Megamind began laughing even before he turned on the screen showing his own face, which from the reaction of the crowd, must have been projected onto the walls of the museum itself.

Metro Man glared into the camera, announcing into his microphone, "Megamind...", just in case there was one person in the audience who had been living under a rock until now and couldn't recognize him for themselves.

Megamind clapped half-heartedly, replying, "Oh, bra-_vo_, Metro Mahn..." Glancing at the screens depicting his "adoring" public, Megamind leaned into the camera lens and mocked back, "Boooooooo. Yes, I can play along, too. Booooooooo!" Because we're all adults here, this is what we do, folks.

"I should've known you'd try to crash the party," Metro Man said. ... Yes. Yes, you really _should have_, so for God's sake, _why didn't you_?

Megamind bounced excitedly, hands daintily behind his back. "Oh, I intend to do more than _crash_ it. _This_ is a day you and Metrocity shall not soon forget!" Forget, no. Blur together with dozens of previous days exactly like it, most definitely.

"It's pronounced 'Metro City'!" Metro Man corrected dramatically, as if Megamind's constant butchering of his hometown's pronunciation was a crime in and of itself. "We all know how this ends: with _you_ behind bars." Careful, someone in the audience might not have wanted to get spoiled.

"Oh, I'm shaking in my custom baby seal leather boots! _You_ will leave Metrocity, or this will be the last you ever hear of... Roxanne Ritchi!" He pressed a button that activated the camera-bot hovering in front of me, and I heard Metro Man give a dramatic gasp as he saw my image, as if the fact that I had been kidnapped was this wholly unexpected thing. I knew he was just playing it up for the crowd, but did the crowd honestly _want_ a superhero who came across as this dense?

"Don't panic, Roxy. I'm on my way," he crooned with a suave grin and a little wink.

"Yeah, I'm not panicking," I assured him. I, on the other hand, had no intention of pretending to be the weepy damsel. No, if there was one positive aspect to these situations, it was that they allowed me to vent my frustrations by pointing out precisely how much of a moron everyone was being.

Megamind examined the back of his hand, saying, "In order to stop me, you have to find me first, Metro _Maaahn_."

Well, let's see, we're in a large, metallic dome that required an elevator to reach that's filled with lots of electronic monitoring equipment, and there's a _giant telescope on the ceiling_. "We're at the abandoned observatory," I observed.

"No, we're not!" Megamind said in a panic, quickly cutting my camera. "Don't listen to her, she's crazy!" But Metro Man had already disappeared from the museum camera, and according to another monitor on Minion's side of the room, was fast on his way here.

"Ha!" I taunted. Really, he needed to disguise his secret hideouts a little better.

"Ha HA!" he taunted back for some reason. Oh, we're going to play this game again, are we?

"Ha ha HA!" Okay, everyone remember the number of "ha"s the last person used and add one. First person to mess up loses.

Megamind, however, simply began chuckling evilly, completely losing count of his "ha"s, and pulled a lever to retract all of the various instruments of doom he had been threatening me with earlier. ... Okay, so that wasn't the game... I was sincerely just a tiny bit thrown by his behavior at this point, but was sure that he was simply making way for a "surprise", yet equally-obvious trap.

Well, it was no matter at this point, anyway. I ducked and braced myself for Metro Man coming slamming through the wall in three... two... one...

One... one... oooonnneeeee... After restarting the countdown a few times in my head, I realized Metro Man should have been here by now. Cautiously looking up, I saw Megamind leering over me victoriously with a menacing chuckle. "Oh good heavens, you didn't think you were in the _real_ observatory, _did you_?" He motioned to the wall, which opened to reveal the true observatory resting on its bluff some distance away.

... Well played, my blue man, well played. Part of me was disgusted at myself for being tricked. But another part of me was... strangely flattered that he'd counted on my deductive skills and integrated them into his plan. I was more than just a carrot on a stick today, and even though my role had been that of the deceived, at least I _had_ a role, and simply that made today's kidnapping feel all the more worthwhile. I almost secretly hoped fate would throw him a bone today, just to thank him for, in his own weird way, treating me as more than just a mindless mannequin.

My mental praise was interrupted by Megamind commanding, "Ready the Death Ray, Minion!" Oh, riiight, there was that whole "Death Ray" thing I'd overhead on the car ride over. So... what, was he going to shoot something at the observatory while Metro Man was trapped inside? Did he really think a _building_ would trap a guy who regularly juggled rail cars for fun? Come _on_, Megamind, you're a smart guy. You're only doing this to yourself.

Megamind switched on a monitor showing Metro Man within the real observatory. He strolled back to his camera bot, smugly taunting, "Over here, old friend. In case you haven't noticed, you've fallen right into my trap."

"You can't trap justice," Metro Man countered. "It's an _idea_. A _belief_!"

"But even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time." Oh god, here they go.

"_Justice_ is a non-corrosive metal!" Someone wake me when this is over. They were seriously like bickering brothers caught in an endless match of "he started it". Superhero, supervillain... when it came to those two, there was no real difference. Their quarrels were purely personal and they simply used Metro City as their staging ground. The crowd had picked their favorite, and the other was the "bad guy" merely by default.

Though I supposed there was one other big difference. When Metro Man won, it simply meant that Megamind went back to jail until he inevitably escaped again. Megamind, on the other hand, had no way to defeat Metro Man in a temporary manner. Perhaps that's why the odds seemed so stacked against him: They weren't competing for the same goal, and the goal that Metro Man had reached time and again was comparatively easier. When it came to either of them beating each other _decisively_, though, their records were actually still 0-0. And, really, that was a good thing. As much of a nuisance this endless game was, I'd rather it continue perpetually than have one of them end it in such a manner.

Speaking of endless games, when I tuned back in to the bickering, they had degenerated into arguing about warranties on evil microwaves or something. I let out an exasperated sigh and groaned, "Girls, girls, you're both pretty, can I go home now?"

"Of course," Megamind offered. "That is, if Metro Man can withstand the full... concentrated power... of the _sun_!" He pointed dramatically at Minion and ordered, "FIRE!"

There was immediately an amazing explosion of nothing as the Death Ray fired with an intensity like it had not fired at all. Megamind remained in his dramatically pointing position for what felt like several minutes as Metro Man glanced nonchalantly above him and the crowd back at the museum turned and murmured amongst themselves.

Finally, Megamind rolled his eyes and marched over to Minion, leaning over with a prodding, "Minion? Fire?"

"Uhhh, still warming up, sir."

"Warming up?" Megamind repeated, throwing his arms in the air. "The _sun_ is warming up?"

"Just ooooone second more, and..." Minion tapped at the screen with the end of his pencil, indicating a loading bar that wasn't even halfway full yet and showed no sign of progress. Try rebooting, that always helps.

Megamind's face sunk into his hands as he began muttering to himself. This was turning into a pitifully painful mess, and it was getting difficult for me to keep watching. He'd actually been doing pretty well up until now, only to be thwarted by a technical glitch. I had to shake my head in disbelief... Why was I even mentally rooting for him? The unspoken acknowledgment of my intelligence still wasn't exactly enough to make up for everything else he'd done.

I looked up to Megamind, still whining about excuses to account for this development, and said, "Your plan is failing, just admit it."

"Yeah, good luck with that one," Minion muttered. Ah, the voice of reason, as advertised.

"Uhh, could someone stamp my Frequent Kidnapping Card?" I wondered hopefully, trying to steer this conversation to some sort of conclusion.

Megamind laughed to himself, then stalked up to me explaining, "You of all people should know we discontinued that promotion." Darn, I was hoping for a Minion snow globe when I filled it up this time. Megamind rose and walked casually to the elevator, waving and declaring, "Ciao ciao, all!"

"Same time next week?" I wondered, liking the idea of being able to get these on my schedule. Minion shook the can of knock-out spray and pointed it at my face. Finally, the day was over. No property damage, no one got hurt, and I didn't even get a wrinkle in my dress. I'd even make it home in time for "Jeopardy". I just hoped one of them remembered to turn the Death Ray _off_ before leaving so that it didn't randomly fire a few days later when it finished loading.

I was about to suggest that before I was knocked out, but was interrupted by something that sounded like a string of expletives coming from Metro Man's monitor. It was only then that I realized just how much time had passed since the Death Ray failed, and that he really should have gotten out of there and flown over here by now.

Megamind whirled around on the elevator with a confused expression. "What did he just say?"

"'Crab... nuggets'...?" Minion attempted to translate. We both winced as Metro Man threw himself at the observatory's interior again, but bounced off, only leaving a dent.

Megamind stalked curiously over to the monitor, peering down into it. "What kind of trickery is this?" As he spoke, a warning voice began emanating from the Death Ray loading screen, as it had apparently gotten over its hump and had actually started making progress.

"You mad genius!" Metro Man declared breathlessly. "Your dark gift has finally paid off!"

It has? "It... it has?" Megamind voiced for me.

"This dome... is obviously lined... with _copper_!" Metro Man conceded.

Yeah. So? "Yeah... So?" Good lord, Megamind, get out of my head. In the background, the computer voice began counting down.

Metro Man fell to the ground on shaky arms, struggling to say, "Copper... drains... my powers...!"

Say _what_? But... copper piping, copper wiring... for heaven's sake, _pennies_! Metro City was a literal _web_ of copper; this should have bothered him well before now! This made absolutely no sense, and Megamind appeared equally confused. If this was some sort of bluff, what purpose did it serve? He had about half a second to-

Boom. The Death Ray successfully hit its target, sniping the observatory off its hilltop perch in an explosion of timber and metal encased in a huge fireball. I couldn't shield myself due to being tied down, so could only duck and avert my eyes as the shockwave reached the lair, blowing in soot and debris and knocking both Megamind and Minion off their feet.

The rumbling echoed around the inside of the lair for a good thirty seconds, the surrounding buildings vibrating as if the very ground they stood on had been disrupted. That was certainly... one powerful weapon. How did he even _build_ something like that without international defense organizations stepping in to intervene?

But what was more... I hadn't seen Metro Man escape. I slowly raised my head to look at the observatory monitor, but it had been reduced to static. A sinking chill began to fill my throat. Had this plan actually... worked? Metro Man could initiate atomic fusion just by clenching his fist, so even if he _hadn't_ made it out of there in time, he should still be fine. ... Right?

To my relief, Minion pointed at a figure rocketing out of the growing cloud of smoke coming from the remains of the observatory. My heart sank back into my chest in a huge sigh of relief as I watched the figure fly our way. Okay... that one was a little close, but all's well that ends well. Phew... I was actually genuinely scared for a minute there.

Megamind scrambled about in a panic, too dazed to think straight, crashing into Minion as he tried to scrap together some last-minute means of escape. But it was no use, as Metro Man came flying in the open wall of the lair and bowled Megamind over onto the floor. Check and mate, game over.

I just didn't realize how over it was. Because when Megamind lifted up the singed white cape, all that was there was a parched white skeleton.

Megamind reeled in shock, flailing along the floor out from under the skeleton before clamoring to his feet, leaving the remains splayed out before me. I choked in a breath, then seemingly forgot how to breathe altogether.

This... can't be real. There... there has to be some logical explanation for this other than "Megamind just killed Metro Man". This was just a _game_, wasn't it? A game where nobody got hurt! An outcome like this shouldn't have even been _possible_, it was so rigged from the beginning!

I swallowed harshly, trying to force myself to take another breath as I could not peel my eyes away from the skeleton in front of me. I'd become too complacent. Everything had become such a predictable pattern that I'd lost sight of what this game had been about in the first place. Megamind was trying to kill Metro Man. He'd _always_ been trying to kill Metro Man, but he'd been so spectacularly unsuccessful that it had seemed like... you know, maybe he wasn't serious about it. That it had simply become an endurance battle to see how long he'd last each time before his inevitable defeat.

The initial shock had begun to wear off over on Megamind's side, as he breathlessly whispered, "I did it..." Oh, you did it, all right. "I did it!" he shouted louder. This is nothing to be proud of. Swinging off of Minion, he exclaimed excitedly, "I did it! Metrocity is mine!"

There is a _dead body_ sitting at your feet, you heartless bastard! You just _killed_ a man. First degree, pre-meditated _murder_. Does that not mean _anything_ to you?

I began to tremble in my chair. He wasn't a killer... he'd never been a killer... I'd been able to let my guard down around him, bicker with him, taunt him, lay my frustrations on him because I _knew_ he wouldn't hurt me. In some strange way, I'd _trusted_ him.

How could I have been so stupid? In another vein, why _couldn't_ I have just been stupid? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut all those years ago after I figured out his plan, which prompted him to begin kidnapping me? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut now when I deduced his location? If I hadn't been such a... nosy, analytical, over-thinking _nerd_, I would have never sent Metro Man to his death.

I looked up in an incomprehensible haze as I heard heavy robotic footsteps approaching me. Megamind wasn't a killer, but then again, up until he met me, he wasn't a kidnapper, either. But once he gets a taste of a harder drug, well... maybe he just can't stop. I just don't know what to think of him anymore. I thought I had him figured out... that big head of his had seemed surprisingly easy to get into... But now... maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was wrong about everything. He wasn't predictable anymore, and that made him... terrifying.

Minion's hand reached behind my head, and I flinched away, squeezing my eyes shut. Metro Man... Metro man, save me... please... Megamind's done something terrible, and I don't want to play anymore.

I heard the familiar rattle of the knock-out gas can, and Minion whispered, "It's okay, Miss Ritchi. It's over now." As the spray hit my face and I descended into unconsciousness, I vaguely heard Minion comment, "Huh... looks like that was the last of it."

It _was_ over. It _was_ the last of the kidnappings. So why did it feel so... melancholy?


	4. What's your vacuum like?

According to the aerial shot of the Death Ray firing, Metro City is located in northwestern lower Michigan. Though I'm from Michigan myself and question the city's mild December weather and having a K-prefixed news station, I'll take the map's word for it.

* * *

**Predictable**

_Chapter 4: What's your vacuum like?_

* * *

Please let this all be a dream. A nightmare born of some kind of subconscious fear that someday this game I'd been forced into would go horribly, fatally wrong. I didn't want to wake up, since as long as I was asleep, I could maintain the illusion that everything I had experienced today existed solely within my head. And when I did wake up, Metro Man would be alive, Megamind would be in jail, and life would go on as it always had.

If only my mind weren't so rational, maybe I could have consoled myself with such fantasies for more than a few precious seconds after I awoke to find myself on my own sofa. The setting sun cast a fiery hue on the buildings beyond my window as a chorus of sirens wailed through the streets below. It was all so surreal... My body was so numb with shock that all I could do was lie limply on the cushions and stare with a glazed expression at the rooftops beyond.

What happens now? The game - if it even was a game anymore - had changed into something wholly unfamiliar. The rules were very specific as to what happened when Metro Man won, and he followed those rules to the letter. As for when Megamind won, though... I don't think those rules were ever written. The game had reached an undefined state, and it was now a question of whether it would exit gracefully or crash and take the whole system with it.

I curled in on myself, massaging the faint rope burns on my wrists. Megamind... he let me go. He let me go and sent me home, so that meant he wasn't a complete monster... right? I'd known him for years, and even though my only experiences with him involved kidnappings and death traps and objects of mayhem, somehow I'd... never gotten the impression that he was actually a bad person. His actions, destructive and threatening though they were, lacked any real sense of _malice_.

Slowly, I pushed myself to a sitting position, my body unconsciously shivering, causing me to wrap my arms around myself. I stood on shaky legs and made my way to the glass balcony doors, gazing down to the streets below. An influx of red and blue flashing lights were congregating around the area of City Hall while several helicopters patrolled overhead. Megamind hadn't even done anything yet that I knew of, but it already felt like the oppressive thumb of martial law was weighing down upon us.

Megamind... you got what you wanted. You won. That should be enough, right? You've already got an assassination hanging over your head, don't make things any worse. Please, for everyone's sake, quit while you're ahead. Quit while there's even a glimmer of the old you left.

I wrapped my arms around myself tightly and bit back tears. I don't... I don't want to lose _both_ of you in a single day. You're alive, but you're... it feels like you're not even the person I'd come to know anymore. That Megamind may very well have died right along with Metro Man.

I had to know. I had to face him and see for myself what he had become. Not even bothering to tend to my appearance, still sooty and disheveled from the explosion, I hurried to the elevator and down to the street below. It was just getting to be dusk, but the streets were eerily empty. Shades were pulled on all the buildings, and the only traffic was the occasional emergency vehicle blowing past in the direction of City Hall. It was going to be a long walk, and I wished there was a way to ask one of the officers for a ride.

In a strange stroke of fortune, I looked up and saw the KMCP van come speeding recklessly from the other direction. It stopped with a screech beside me and Hal looked out the window with a shocked, "Whoa, Roxy, I thought... I thought you were, like, dead or something. Cuz, I mean, if I thought you were alive, I would have totally come rescued you."

"Hal, you're a life-saver!" I exclaimed, jumping into the passenger side of the van.

"Whoa... wait, I am?" he said, wide-eyed. He then leaned his shoulder suavely against the headrest while fiddling with his nostril, saying, "I mean, yeah, no prob, sis. Totally figured you'd need my help and came out here as fast as I could."

"Good," I interrupted. "We need to get to City Hall right now."

Hal blanched. "Um... are you sure? Cuz Megamind, like, just sent out a warning to hand the city over to him or he'd take it by force."

... He had? I felt my fists clench in anger in my lap as I stared sternly out the front windshield. "To City Hall, Hal," I reiterated, low and firm.

Hal held his hands up defensively, then turned to grip the wheel. "Okay, okay, City Hall, then, jeez." He let out a long sigh and made an ungraceful U-turn in the middle of the road, heading back towards the glow of searchlights and the din of sirens. He bobbed his head anxiously, muttering, "Seriously, the guy's probably gonna melt everyone into piles of goo with a laser cannon, then set those piles of goo on fire and feed them to radioactive snakes." He shrugged his shoulders dramatically. "I mean, he's a supervillain, right? That's what I'd do if I was a supervillain." After an awkward silence, he added, "I mean, I wouldn't _actually_... cuz I'm not a supervillain or anything, I'm just saying... Urrghhh..." It was a good thing that the roads were empty, because he was veering quite erratically in his frustration. Megamind wouldn't have to kill us if it turned out Hal did it first.

When we arrived, City Hall was completely barricaded by a line of barriers, police cars, and a row of heavily-armed officers. Our press passes got us through, and we found a small crowd of people ranging from other reporters to government officials to random curious bystanders had gathered in the safety of the barricade. Hal had brought the news camera along, but I had no intentions of making a formal report out of this. This was between Megamind and me.

A sudden guitar riff pierced the tense silence surrounding the crowd, followed by a smoke bomb shrouding the entire area in fog. AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" echoed threateningly through the cloud cover, causing the front line of officers to shakily brandish their weapons at the incoming fog, but with no certain aim.

An array of laser lights gave them something to aim at, but I could tell the officers were beginning to waver. They'd never had to face Megamind _themselves_ before, after all, they'd had Metro Man for that. Unlike me, the general populace was probably genuinely ignorant of what Megamind was truly capable of.

A burst of flame hearkened Megamind's appearance onto the scene, as his silhouette burst through the cloud cover. He came skipping smugly up the street, laughing mockingly and commanding the police to drop their weapons. The panicked officers shakily did as they were told and raised their arms in surrender, allowing Megamind past without any resistence.

I had to stare a the scene flatly as Megamind paraded through the crowd and up the City Hall steps, Minion following behind. The city's best, people, this is them. Surrendering without question to one unarmed guy and a robot gorilla with a boombox. Were we as a city really so weak and helpless without Metro Man?

Megamind grabbed a microphone and absently tapped it while giving the crowd an almost nervous once-over. He'd addressed the populace of Metro City countless times before, but it had always been over monitors, radio, or blaring broadcasts. This was probably the first time he'd ever had to face us all in person.

Yes, Megamind. Look at us. Look at the people of this city and think about what you're doing. Look at _me_, Megamind. You've never hurt me, or anyone else before, and I really want to believe that it's because you can't find it in your heart to do so.

"First off, what a turnout! How wild is this, huh?" he began as a sort of ice-breaker, laughing a little self-consciously. I had to glare at him in disgust. It was obvious to me he had no idea what he was doing, so why was he even doing it? "All I did was eliminate the most powerful man in the universe," he continued. "Are there any questions?"

That was my cue. As everyone else meekly held back, I pushed through the crowd and shot my hand in the air. He gestured to me smugly, apparently not immediately realizing who I was. I continued to make my way towards him, eyes glued to his, demanding, "I'm sure we'd _all_ like to know what you plan to do with us... and this city." As I spoke, I saw his arm lower, his face fall into a subtle expression of shock. He hadn't expected me to be here. He hadn't expected someone to so bluntly call him out.

As his expression changed, so did mine. What was at first a demand melted into a plea. We stood silently staring at each other for several agonizing seconds, a feeling of dread working its way up my throat. I felt like I was watching a toddler unearth his father's gun and had no way to intervene; I could only stand helplessly by and hope to God he didn't hurt anyone... or himself.

"Good, I'm glad you asked that..." finally came his hesitant response. He turned his back to the crowd and leered over his shoulder, declaring, "Imagine the most horrible, terrifying, _evil_ thing you can possibly think of... and multiply it... by _six_!"

My heart fell. So he honestly had no idea, either. He was just doing this because he felt like it's what he was supposed to do, being a villain and all. Megamind, the game is _over_, you don't have to play anymore! Just... take my hand and come down from there, it's not where you belong. You belong... you belong...

In jail, really. I receded back into the crowd, rubbing my hands on my arms. Is that why he felt such a need to keep this going, despite there being no purpose anymore? In a strange twist of irony, the only way he could remain free was to remain a villain. But... how far was he going to take it? How much more damage would he do in his battle to avoid the consequences of all his past crimes, his most recent and brutal one notwithstanding?

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door slamming. I looked up and found that Megamind was gone, though Minion's silhouette was still visible in the door. He'd retreated from the uncomfortable exposure of the cameras to the safety of the interior of City Hall, it seemed. I'd missed my chance to get more out of him, and now...

Maybe if I just talked to him. One-on-one, no cameras, no public. I'd come out here to determine his intentions, benign or evil, and I would honestly prefer _knowing_ that he intended to harm us than leave it all... unpredictable.

As the rest of the crowd began to mill about and disperse, I slowly made my way up the steps towards the door. Today's plan proved that he had at least some respect for my intelligence. Maybe... maybe that meant he'd listen to me. If I could do something - anything - to keep him from plummeting into a downward spiral and dragging the rest of the city with him...

A sudden hand roughly gripping my arm stopped me, and I whirled around in surprise. Hal tugged at me and wondered, "Whoa, whoa, Roxanne, where are you _going_? You heard the guy: Horrible, evil things multiplied by six! _Six_! That's, like, almost _ten_!"

"I'll be okay, Hal," I assured him, though I wasn't horribly certain of myself. "I just want to try reasoning with him."

"No, Roxanne, that's _stupid_!" he retorted, whipping his hands down. "Now that Metro Man's gone, there's no _telling_ what he'd do to you! That guy doesn't care about you, you're just a tool to him!" My shoulders slumped a little. Maybe he was right... Now that I served no purpose to his plots, what reason would Megamind have to pay any attention to me?

Seeing my resolve wane, Hal sidled in and commented, "And, hey, just so you know, I don't care _what_ that guy did to you in the past, you will _never_ be damaged goods to me."

I stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. "... Hal, he never-"

"No, it's cool, you can totally be comfortable telling me all the gory details, I'm all ears." ... Suddenly, I really didn't want to be here anymore.

I sighed and turned to walk down the steps. "I think I should be getting home, it's been a really long day."

Hal trotted after me excitedly, offering, "Hey, no problem, I'll give you a lift in the van." I... kind of felt uncomfortable right now, but I had little choice, given the distance was a bit far in my condition at this time of night. So I could only give him a half-hearted nod. He lifted his camera in excitement and continued, "Okay, awesome, and I totally understand the long day thing, so if you want someone to keep you company tonight so you feel better..."

This was going to be the longest ride home ever.

* * *

So... this is it, then. _This_ is how it's going to be now that you've defeated Metro Man?

My hand shook as it gripped my microphone as I stood within an empty hall, barren walls stretching endlessly behind me. "This is Roxanne Ritchi, reporting live from the Metro Museum of Art. This morning, workers discovered that the entire museum's offerings had been ransacked, leaving not a frame on the walls or a statue on the floor. Authorities are currently looking in to the matter..." As a reporter, I had no business making outright accusations myself, but I glared firmly into the camera lens, my eyes saying '_You know who you are_'.

What purpose did something like this serve? Just because he _could_? Megamind, why...? Why do you insist on pouring salt into an open wound? Now you're just being juvenile; cruel for the sake of being cruel. It was almost worse that he had no ultimate selfish intent with these acts, for it now came across as him hurting us while simultaneously declaring we were of no worth to him.

Is this the message you intend to send, Megamind? Has Metro Man's murder pushed you so far past the point of no return that you just don't care about what you're doing anymore? Are you trying to tell us that you're beyond redemption?

He definitely made a strong case for it, because the next day, Megamind shut down the government. Police, fire, postal, sanitation, transportation, public schools... all given an indefinite leave of absence. And if that wasn't enough, his next order of business was to rob the banks dry. The sudden dearth of resources coupled with the lack of authority caused the city to descend into anarchy almost overnight.

And Megamind himself seemed to be reveling in it, happily joining vandals in defacing and looting local businesses whose owners, now without any funding or legal protections, had no method of recourse. Entire neighborhoods became seas of boarded windows, Megamind's name spray-painted across their walls as a mocking reminder of who was responsible.

If another town in Michigan hadn't already taken the name first, Metro City might as well have been redubbed "Hell". The streets were eerily empty save for piles of rubbish and abandoned cars. With the banks closed, something as mundane as grocery shopping had become an impossibility as no one had any money to pay and the store had no funds to stock product or pay their employees. I counted my blessings for living in a high-rise apartment with a doorman, but I knew there were thousands in the city who weren't nearly so fortunate and had been the victims of muggings and burglaries as everyone fell into desperation just to survive.

And through all this, Megamind hadn't lifted a finger himself. Rather than destroying us outright, he was letting us destroy ourselves. He'd busily set things in motion for the first week or so, but his recent inactivity made me wonder if he was now merely sitting back and watching the results of his handiwork, smugly smirking down on us in that way he always did. Is this what you meant, then, by the most horrible thing imaginable, multiplied by six? Because I think it's getting darn close.

I sat at my kitchen table, rubbing the heels of my hands slowly over my eyes as I tried to focus on the laptop screen. I was lucky, really I was, and that made me feel all the more terrible. My mother had graciously offered the use of her checking account, which was untouched due to her living out of town. Though the postal service had been halted, there were still bills to pay, and when the auto-pay date hit, the national credit card chains weren't likely to take "my city is currently in the clutches of an evil dictator" as an excuse for my check bouncing. My personal savings was completely wiped out, so I'd be living off my mother's generosity for a while until my KMCP paycheck started getting direct-deposited into her account. Provided that KMCP could even still pay me. We were a local station, and as I wasn't on the accounting staff, I was completely ignorant as to our banking practices.

The door buzzed, causing me to jump a little. I checked the time on my computer and realized it was almost 10:00. Right, I had a live report from the Metro Man Museum to do for the 11-o'clock tonight. That was probably Hal to pick me up, then.

I pressed the intercom, and Hal's voice came up, "'Sup, Roxaroo? Just buzz me in and I'll be up to help you with your stuff." What stuff? He had all the equipment in the van.

"That's okay, Hal, I'll be right down," I said. I picked up my heavy coat and just held it in my hands for a moment, staring absently at the floor. The Metro Man Museum... God, Metro Man, why did you have to die? And to make _me_ do the one-month anniversary rememberance of his death... KMCP could be cruel for the sake of ratings sometimes. This was going to be the hardest report of my life.

* * *

"I'm coming to you live from the steps of the Metro Man Museum. Today... marks the one month anniversary of our beloved hero's tragic death. I'm here tonight to remember - and honor - the man who selflessly served this city for so long. He gave us safety. He gave us happiness. But most importantly, he gave us hope."

I took a deep breath to compose myself. I couldn't let myself break up on camera, but I was coming darn close to it. Hal gave me a little sign that we were still on the air, and I forced myself to continue, "He was always there for us... dependable. Perhaps we took him for granted. Maybe... we don't really know how good we have it until it's gone." I couldn't keep this up... "We miss you, Metro Man. I... miss you. And I have just one question for Megamind: Are you _happy_ now?" I gritted my teeth, wiping my eyes. Damn him... damn him just... so much. This was all his fault and he _didn't care_. He was probably laughing at me right now, '_Oh, yes, cry, Miss Ritchi. Your beloved Metro Man won't be saving you this time!_'

I fought back the tears. No, I wasn't going to cry. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. "This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting from a city without a hero. Coming up next: Are you ready to be a slave army? What you need to know." ... Really, Bill? Way to have a calm, non-fearmongering segment to help keep the populace out of a panic.

Hal cut his camera, declaring, "Aaand wrap that up and give it to a child on Christmas! Cuz we're done!"

"Okay..." I responded absently, looking up at the museum statue. Something about it was... beckoning me. My emotions were in shambles right now, maybe it would do me some good to just... go clear my head for a while.

I began to walk up the steps to the museum, but Hal stopped me. "Roxy, I'm having a party at my house, it's gonna be, like, off the hook or whatever. You should come over, I got a DJ, rented a bouncy house, made a gallon of dip, it's gonna be _sick_," he offered, raising a beckoning eyebrow at me.

How could he still be so jovial at a time like this? "Oh... I don't know, Hal, I don't really feel like being around a bunch of people..."

"Nonono, that's the best part, it'll just be like you and me."

... "Wow, that, um... that certainly sounds... very tempting, but..."

"I _did_ hire a wedding photographer..." Okay, he's just making stuff up now. On his salary? "That's just in case we were like, something crazy happened and we wanted a picture of it, like, maybe we should have this for, like, ever, like a memory."

My brain was about to break. Seriously. I don't think I comprehended a word of what he just said, but knowing Hal, I probably didn't need to. Just please... leave me alone for a while. "Um... I'm gonna pass. I have some... work here that I need to do," I said, motioning to the museum and handing him my microphone. I tentatively backed up the steps, hoping he'd let me leave this time. Please? He kept talking to me, but I merely waved and interjected, "Good night, Hal."

I watched the news van leave - very ungracefully, as he struck a mailbox on his way out - and turned to continue up the steps to the museum. I gazed longingly at the giant statue at its centerpiece, slowly rotating on its pedestal. He gave us hope, yes, but... at this point it felt like that hope had died along with him. The citizens were all too terrified to do anything. The city was sliding deeper into despair, and there was no one left to stop it. It was all I could do, then, to make one last heartfelt plea in hopes that someone... anyone... would hear it and give us back our hope.


	5. Time to put the past behind us

**Predictable**

_Chapter 5: Time to put the past behind us_

* * *

The museum was eerily empty. True, it was getting close to midnight and it would be closing soon, but there was a certain uncomfortable immaculacy to it. This museum had been erected as a tribute to the city's savior, but now it would be better described as a memorial. Yet there was not a scuff on the floor or a smudge on the windows. The place had the feel of an abandoned ruin yet still vaguely smelled of fresh paint.

It almost felt like I was intruding on sacred ground. In the weeks following Metro Man's death, flowers and other offerings had been left on the museum steps, but no one had dared enter the building itself. But as the city plunged into chaos, the offerings had ceased, the stairway as devoid of mementos as the interior was devoid of life.

Not that I could blame them. City Hall was just across the reflecting pool, where Megamind's watchful eye no doubt cast a disapproving glare at anyone attempting to resurrect his fallen rival's memory. It was why the gifts that had been left were no longer here, after all; Megamind had been quite prompt in clearing them away.

I rode the elevator to the observation deck, watching the statue silently spin cold and lifeless amongst the floodlights. Metro Man... the world on his shoulders, casting a watchful eye over the whole city. Solid, powerful, and gleaming white... that's what he was. This empty carved marble, though... that's all we had left of him. I kind of hated it, in a way.

The elevator doors opened, and I hesitantly walked out onto the clear glass platform, never taking my eyes off the statue at its center. It was deafeningly silent, only the cold night air indicating that I hadn't just walked into a vacuum. Normally one would at least hear the errant car horn, dog barking, or emergency siren, but there was nothing... The city was so oppressed it could barely even breathe. And here he stood, spinning round and taking it all in... and doing absolutely nothing about it.

I shouldn't be angry about it. I mean, it's not like Metro Man actually _abandoned_ us or anything. He may have had godlike powers, but even he couldn't defeat death. But it was those very godlike powers that had been keeping us safe all this time. Without them... without anything even remotely close to a substitution, though...

"What are we supposed to do...?" I whispered, leaning against the railing. "Without you... evil is running rampant through the streets." It was infuriating, really, how helpless I felt. Through all the years of kidnappings, I'd stopped calling for Metro Man's help long ago. I just... knew he'd come, so there was no need to bother. But now he was gone, and I was - we were - in great danger. Maybe that meant it was time to finally start calling for help again. But to who?

With a defeated sigh, I pleaded, "Someone has to stop Megamind..."

"Hey, we're closing soon," came a nasal voice from behind me.

I whirled around in shock, completely not expecting anyone else to be here. "Whew, you scared me!" I exclaimed. A man in glasses with mussed hair stood hunched over a book cart with a dour expression. I vaguely recognized him as the museum curator, who I'd interviewed shortly before the museum's dedication, but damn if I could remember his name. Giving a shot at it, I prompted, "Barry, right?"

"Bernard," he drawled flatly. So close.

"Bernard," I repeated, certain that his name would probably slip my mind again in two minutes if I didn't say it myself. But, wow, now I felt silly. Hoping that someone was actually listening to my plea, but then finding out that someone _was_ listening to my plea, I just felt... well...

"I was just... well, I was... talking to myself. You probably think that I'm a little bit nuts," I awkwardly explained. Yes. Talking. To statues. In the middle of the night. Asking for their help. There's nothing wrong with me, I swear.

"I'm not allowed to insult guests directly," he replied in a monotone.

Charming. I could see why people didn't come to the museum much. Trying my best to remain polite, I responded, "Thank you, I'll just... Bernard, I'll just be another minute." He let out a very exaggerated sigh, rolling his eyes at me as he pushed his cart past. Though, really, now that I knew there was someone listening in - someone decidedly non-superheroic - I suddenly felt at a loss for anything to say.

This was silly, and kind of pathetic at the same time. It had been a month since that last fateful kidnapping, and since then I still hadn't really had anyone to talk to. I'd always yearned for the whole "damsel in distress" game to be over, but now that it was, I'd come to realize how cathartic it had been. It had been Megamind, of all people, who was the one most privy to my feelings, thanks to years of venting at him. And he'd listen. He'd react. We'd banter back and forth, and when it was all over, I'd feel so much better, and not just because I'd been rescued.

I smiled sadly to myself, leaning heavily on the railing. That had been the old Megamind, though. The new Megamind was an iron-fisted dictator who had no interest in what anyone else had to say. Trying to talk to him now would be as futile as talking to this statue. Neither one would respond.

Strangely, the statue did respond, as I heard what sounded like a voice echoing off of it. I couldn't make out what it said, but for some reason my first instinct told me it sounded like Megamind. No, that's silly, why would he be up here? But now that I focused on it and began to move around the deck, I could definitely hear someone talking on the other side of the statue.

"Hello?" I ventured, continuing to move around the platform. I glimpsed a flutter of fabric and the sound of muffled footsteps retreating in the opposite direction. So there _was_ someone here. I mean... yes, it was a public museum and technically still within operating hours, but the utter barrenness of the place before left me intensely curious as to who else would be here at this time of night.

As I continued to round the statue, I saw a flash of light that made me slightly jump back in surprise. Now it was just getting a little bit creepy, but I couldn't help myself. Nosy reporter skills and all. "Hello? Is someone there?" I called again. Nothing. I began walking faster, and saw a discarded book cart sitting in front of the elevator. That book cart obviously didn't get up here by itself, so there _had_ to be someone. "Who's there?" I demanded.

Suddenly Bernard shot up from behind the cart, causing me to jump. ... Oh god, DUH. I'd just spoken to him, what, two minutes ago and had already _completely_ forgotten that he was here? The guy was just that delightfully memorable.

I held my chest, catching my breath and saying, "Whew, it's just you, Bernard."

"Oh yes. It's just me. Bernarrrrd," he drawled awkwardly.

Bernard hastily marched to the elevator and began frantically pushing the button as I breathlessly followed after him. "Well, thank you for letting me stay."

"Look, I wouldn't stay here for more than two minutes and thirty-seven seconds if I were you," he commented quickly. "We're having the walls and ceiling removed."

Well, I guess... whatever improvements he thinks might boost business. Bernard hopped into the elevator as I gave the place one last once-over, absently playing with my bangs. "Wow that sounds like... quite the renovation, guess I'll... catch a ride down with you, then," I said, slipping into the elevator next to him just as the doors closed.

The ride down was awkwardly silent. Granted, I hadn't really expected Bernard to be much conversation, and I was still mentally laughing at myself for forgetting he was there in the first place. But as the statue's face began to recede away, I started feeling that same sense of hopelessness as before. What was I even doing here? What difference would it have made?

I let out a defeated sigh. No, there was no point in calling for help anymore. As unbelievable as it was, Metro Man was really gone, and I was going to have to come to terms with that one way or another. I should have started mentally preparing myself for something like this a long time ago, but I'd fallen into a predictable routine and never had any motivation to consider any other options.

"I kept thinking he was gonna do one of his last-minute escapes," I said, mostly to myself.

Surprisingly, Bernard actually responded, "Yeah. He was really good at those."

A bundle of tension in my chest suddenly fell away. I'd voiced my thoughts and someone had acknowledged them and responded. Suddenly the need to gush all of my pent-up thoughts became almost unbearable. "Oh, if only the world had a reset button," I blurt out.

"I've looked into the reset button," Bernard responded. With almost a sob, he continued, "The science is impossible!"

The elevator landed and Bernard sulked heavily through the doors. I looked after him with concern, wondering if he, too had a lot of pent-up feelings on the matter but had no outlet to voice them. A dilemma I could definitely empathize with. Forgetting my own problems for the moment, I followed after him and put a hand on his shoulder, saying, "Oh, Bernard, I didn't know you had... feelings. Are you okay?"

His shoulders drooped as we strolled towards the escalators, hopelessly sighing, "Metro Man's gone... and now there's no one left to challenge Megamind."

Exactly what I was thinking... but now that I heard someone else say it, it sounded so... defeatist. Everyone else in the city had already given up hope, and suddenly seeing Bernard look so helpless renewed my own sense of determination. He'd pulled away from me, but I wasn't going to let him wallow in despair. "Come on, Bernard. As long as there's evil, good will rise up against it."

"Oh, I wish," he moaned.

No, we're not going to think that way. Helplessness, complacency, expectation of a perpetual status quo... that's what got us into this mess in the first place. We as a city were stronger than that. I gripped Bernard's arm firmly and said, "I believe someone is going to stand up to Megamind." I glanced away guiltily for a brief second. No, actually, I didn't believe that, but...

"You really think so?"

"Yeah!" I piped up, anyway. "It's like they say: Heroes aren't born, they're made!"

There was definitely some truth to that, now that I thought of it. Life in Metro City had become so oppressive, at some point _someone_ would have to snap and say "Enough is enough" and take matters into their own hands. There was only so far Megamind could push us down before we started pushing back. Oh man, Megamind wouldn't even know what _hit_ him, he should know that the most dangerous kind of person is one with nothing left to lose!

Yes! There _was_ a silver lining to this oppressive black cloud. Bernard looked to be catching on to this as well, as he announced, "Heroes can be made... that's it! All you need are the right ingredients!"

"Yeah!" I chimed in. "Bravery..."

"Yes!"

"Strength."

"Of course!"

"Determination!"

"Imperative!"

Wow... man, I was starting to get a good feeling about this. I hadn't felt this excited about anything in... in forever! I didn't even know what I was excited about, but Bernard just exuded such an energy that it was difficult not to get caught up in it.

Moreover, it was getting me to think. All this time I had been hoping for another Metro Man, but Metro Man was one of a kind. There was no one who could adequately replace him. But that didn't mean that no one could live up to his memory. Someone could take up that cape and do just what he did, but in their own unique way. In short, the fact that there wasn't another Metro Man flying around somewhere to save us didn't matter, because in the end...

"Anyone can be a hero!" Bernard finished my thought for me.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed excitedly. It was like... we were on the same wavelength. My thoughts, his thoughts, they just played off each other in such a natural, inspiring way that I hadn't experienced since - whoooa, I'm getting lifted in the air.

Bernard twirled me around and set me dazedly on the floor. Before I could muster the coherency for a response, his watched beeped, and he announced happily, "I think we should run!"

He sprinted for the door and I chased after him, arm outstretched. "Bernard, wait!" I ran out of the museum, but the heel of my boot caught on something, causing me to stumble. Looking down, I discovered a single yellow rose discarded on the sidewalk. A new offering after all this time? I absently stooped down to pick it up and reflexively brought it to my nose for a sniff. Had someone... had _Bernard_, perhaps...?

Bernard stumbled back up the steps to me, and for some reason I felt the need to hide the rose behind my back. He tugged on my arm and pulled me down the steps, hurriedly saying, "There's a cab here, so I really, really think you should get home. I should be getting home, too, and really, there's no reason to stay here anymore, and I think it would be best for everyone to just get a good night's sleep and think about tomorrow." He pulled in a deep breath after spouting that ramble, prodding me into the passenger side of the car.

"Bernard, I-"

"Bye!" he announced, closing the taxi door and sending me on my way. Why the sudden rush? Though, he had seemed a bit anxious to close up when I first ran into him, so maybe he had somewhere to be.

I rolled the stem of the rose between my fingers thoughtfully and brought it up for another sniff. I felt more relaxed, yet at the same time more invigorated, than I had in ages. And thanks to Bernard's inspiration, it was becoming clear to me what needed to happen.

_Anyone_ can be a hero. Maybe it was time for me to renounce that "damsel in distress" role once in for all. Maybe it was time for me to stop waiting around for a man in a cape to come save me, and instead do something about this _myself_. If anyone could be a hero, that meant _I_ could be a hero. I might not have super strength or any other kind of incredible powers, but neither did Megamind, so it's not like that was an absolute necessity. No, Megamind's greatest asset was his intellect, and after years of going head-to-head with him in that department, I was probably the person in Metro City with the most intimate knowledge of his thought process, and if I put that knowledge to use, I could in turn become his biggest threat.

My brows furrowed. His biggest threat... I'd witnessed firsthand how he dealt with his previous biggest threat... If I rose up to challenge him, would he think twice about doing the same thing to-

An explosion behind us caused the cab to swerve to the side of the road, striking the curb and rocking from the force of impact. My muscles all went tense in shock and all I could do for a few seconds was stare at the headrest of the passenger seat in front of me. As soon as I regained control of my body, though, I whirled around and gazed out the back window of the taxi.

A huge fireball billowed from the center of the museum, the statue slowly toppling through it before landing in the reflecting pool at its base. My skin went cold as my breath caught in my throat. I had just... if I had stayed there another minute, I would have...

My hand went to my forehead as I forced myself to breathe. Oh my god... was Megamind trying to _kill_ me? Bernard and I had been the only ones in the museum, and as curator, he would definitely have plenty of research-based knowledge on Megamind as well. Had Megamind perhaps anticipated us using our knowledge against him and preemptively tried to take us out before we had the chance?

I huddled down in the seat and wrapped my arms around myself protectively. Okay, Roxanne, remember the basics of journalism. Rule Number One is "Report objectively without automatically assuming foul play." It was circumstantial evidence, so maybe he'd just set that bomb earlier and I'd just happened to be there. I mean, how would he have known I was there? ... Besides from watching the live televised report I'd just finished from that location.

This wasn't journalism, though. This was basic self-preservation. And Rule Number One of basic self-preservation is "Assume he's trying to kill you". The yellow rose still lay on the seat next to me and I shakily reached for it. Metro Man had already become a sacrifice to this insanity. If no one did anything, it was now obvious that there would be more.

Someone has to stop Megamind. And that someone would have to be me. 


	6. Look closely, tell me what you see

A note about the map mentioned in this chapter: The "Art of Megamind" book contains a map of Metro City that pinpoints a few of the important locations like the museum, the observatory, and Evil Lair. However, for some reason the "N" on the map's compass points south-southwest, and this map is seen in the same orientation on the newscasts in the movie itself. The fact that they bothered to put a compass on the map at all indicates the map is rotated... I just have no idea why.

* * *

**Predictable**

_Chapter 6: Look closely, tell me what you see_

* * *

"Breaking news this morning from the Metro City Plaza. Late last night, the centerpiece statue of the Metro Man Museum was destroyed in an apparent terrorist bombing. No casualties were reported, and so far no one has come forward to claim responsibility for this act or make any demands. With all government agencies currently shut down, investigation into this incident has been stalled, but stay tuned to KMCP Channel 8 for the latest as this story develops."

I lowered my microphone and sighed as Hal cut the camera. It was plain as day who was responsible for this, but objective journalism is objective journalism, and I couldn't rightfully call Megamind out on it without any hard evidence. Unfortunately, as I'd stated, there was no one available to _collect_ that evidence. It had been 6 hours since the bombing, yet there wasn't even a wisp of crime scene tape or a single forensic investigator on the scene. These people may not be on the job at the moment, but they still _existed_, right? Wasn't anyone in this city willing to put their skills to use to combat this, even if they weren't getting paid for it? Or had Metro Man's violent death left us so terrified that something like a terrorist attack didn't even register as being worth looking into?

Hal toddled down the steps, clumsily sidestepping debris, hastily saying, "Okay, this has been really exciting and all, but I really think we should get out of here before an afterbomb goes off or something."

"Afterbomb?" I repeated in confusion.

"Yeah, you know," he replied, cocking his head. "Okay, it's like, you know like when there's an earthquake, and after the earthquake there's, like, aftershocks or something? Because there's more earthquake in the ground that didn't come up yet, right? So, like, when there's bombs, sometimes there's bomb parts that don't blow up until later, so they're like... afterbombs."

Um... okay? I wasn't exactly an expert in explosives so I couldn't really refute that. But because of said deficiency in my knowledge, sticking around here to investigate in place of the professional bomb squads was out of the question. Google was no substitute for actual expertise in matters such as this.

I rubbed my chin in thought. Investigating the crime scene for evidence to incontrovertibly point back to Megamind was a bit out of my league, but investigating _Megamind_ to point back the other way, on the other hand...

Hal broke into my thoughts, casually interjecting, "You know, it's a good thing we left when we did last night, am I right? Cuz, I mean, if we stayed here much longer, we might've..."

"Hal, I was still here last night when it happened," I cut him off.

He stood still for a moment, awkward and wide-eyed. After a minute, he mouthed a choked "Oh..." and remained uncomfortably silent again for a moment, fidgeting his arms against his sides. "Well, I mean, you obviously made it out okay, seeing as you're, you know, standing right here and all..." he laughed a little nervously.

I held up my hand. "I was lucky, that's all. Hal, this is getting serious. Megamind's actions have become progressively more unstable since he killed Metro Man, and I just... I don't think this is the last of it. I think he's got something even bigger planned, and this was just some sort of... rehearsal. A warning shot, maybe. Hal, if we don't find out what he's up to, the next time we might not be so lucky."

"Whoa whoa, connection time out here..." Hal said, waving his hands. "First off, what's this 'we' you're talkin' about? You? And me? Against Megamind? Okay, what, are we just gonna, like, bust down his door or somethin' and steal all his plans?"

I pointed at him decisively and grinned. "That is _exactly_ what we're going to do." My finger moved from him to the building across the reflecting pool and announced, "Megamind is about to have some surprise visitors." Hal's arms dropped dumbfoundedly to his sides as I trotted past him down the steps and began to make my way across the plaza towards City Hall. Hal made some unintelligible noises behind me, then hefted up his camera to follow.

By the time we got to the City Hall steps, Hal was practically on his knees panting, despite the walk being all of two blocks. "Roxanne... wait..." he gasped, holding his chest. "Just... just think for a sec, would ya? Whew..." He bunched the collar of his T-shirt in his hand and used it as a makeshift handkerchief, giving me an ample view of his protruding belly as he lifted it up, leaving a wet spot on the neck line once he was finished. "You know this place is crawling with those flying plasma ball bear-trap things, right?"

"Brain-bots?"

"Whatever," he said, dismissively waving his hand and attempting to haul both himself and the camera up the next step. "I'm just sayin', I don't think this is somethin' worth getting mauled to death over."

"Hal, that's just it!" I exclaimed holding my arms out. "Nothing is going to change as long as we just sit back and cower! We have to take risks! Metro Man is gone. We have to accept that no one is going to save us. Meaning we have to be willing to save ourselves."

I marched purposely up to the door while Hal sniffed and muttered behind me, "Yeah, so, how exactly is willfully wandering into a pack of mad killer robots 'saving ourselves'?" I rolled my eyes and opened the front door. We'd made it this far without any resistance, so maybe-

As soon as I opened the door, however, a pack of about a half dozen brain-bots burst through, their glowing eye-stalks twitching hungrily and immediately focusing on me and Hal. Hal let out a high-pitched shriek at a volume impressive for his previous windedness. I froze, keeping a cautious eye on them, but otherwise remaining calm. Hal hugged his camera and sobbed, "Oh god, I'm gonna die! Roxanne, I just want you to know that I've always-"

"Relax, Hal, I know how to handle them," I assured him, never taking my eyes off the small swarm before us. Gingerly, I held out my microphone, then offered, "Who wants the microphone? See? Microphooone." I waved it slowly and saw the brain-bots' eye-stalks curiously follow the object in my hand. Huh. I hadn't totally counted on this working, but I'd witnessed Megamind interact with his minions enough to catch on to their general behavior.

I tossed the microphone down the steps, and the brain-bots buzzed around me in pursuit, leaving the doorway clear. Hal peeked out over his camera, then cringed back again as the brain-bots descended on their prey and proceeded to rip the microphone to pieces. "Okay, that is totally coming out of your paycheck and not mine..."

With the guard-bots distracted, the two of us slipped inside and closed the door behind us. I had Hal immediately begin filming, as anything we found here might end up being a potential clue. Despite it being morning, the halls were eerily dark, and completely empty. This was weird, and didn't feel like Megamind's "presence" at all. I'd been dragged to dozens of different lairs over the years, and while he did tend to keep the atmosphere on the cold and damp side, they always felt, well, "lived-in". There had always been odds and ends hanging from everywhere, and usually some kind of oldies rock ambient music thumping in from somewhere. This place felt... like a vacuum. Hollow. Like the Metro Man Museum, only creepier.

Megamind... is... is this what you've become? Some kind of emotionless, uncaring void? I shivered a little at the thought. Even though he was a villain, he'd always had this... I don't know if I'd go so far as to call it "warmth", but... I dunno, that's the only term coming to mind at the moment. And the more I saw of this dark, cold place, the more I missed that warmth. The more I hated experiencing _this_ and having to associate it with _him_. He'd murdered Metro Man, taken over the city, most likely bombed the museum... so why did it still feel like such a painful disappointment that that warmth was also gone?

We reached the end of the hallway to find the doors to the mayoral office burned and partially hanging off their hinges. Through the cracks, I could see a few rays of sunlight streaming in through the window, highlighting a thin haze of dust hanging in the air. I gulped nervously and held my shoulders firm. There would be no sneaking up on him, so there was no point in making any pretense of it.

With a deep breath, I pushed the door open and announced, "Megamind, you're-"

... not here. The office was completely abandoned save for a few scattered bills lying on the floor and smashed safes piled against the wall. He'd been here, certainly, but the fact that not only was he gone, but there was evidence that he'd stashed his loot here and now taken him with it meant that...

"He's abandoned City Hall," I breathed in relief. Why was I so relieved? I mean, obviously the fact that he had given up City Hall was a relief, but in another way, it also meant that the cold, empty atmosphere had been due to his _lack_ of presence rather than the opposite.

"Sweet, so does that mean the guy's skipped town or something?" Hal wondered.

I jumped a bit, having completely forgotten that Hal was there. Was that even a possibility, though? Was the museum bombing some sort of "farewell" act? No, that didn't seem like Megamind. Then again, I didn't really know what I'd consider "like Megamind" anymore. He used to be so predictable, but now...

Clearing my throat, I told him, "No... no, I think he's just relocated. He left his brain-bots here, after all, and it's not like Megamind to just quit. And even if he has, well... we shouldn't just assume without any kind of solid proof." I let out a breath, instructing, "Hal, make sure you get a good sweep of the room with the camera so we can turn the footage in to the authorities. If we can prove that City Hall has been abandoned, we could start getting some semblance of government re-established."

Hal panned the camera around the room quickly, then whined, "Okay, so, yeah, are we done here yet? Cuz this place is really starting to creep me out."

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I don't think there's much more we can do here. We just need to find out where Megamind's gone off to."

Suddenly, the forgotten pack of brain-bots burst through the door. The leader was carrying the mangled bits of my microphone and dropped it at my feet, looking at me expectantly. Hal held up his camera like a shield and squealed again, while I looked at the brain-bots with a decidedly more bemused expression. "Um, good brain-bot," I congratulated. "You wouldn't happen to be able to go fetch your boss, too, would you?" The brain-bot closest to me listed slightly to the side in what I could swear was a "quizzical dog" impression.

Well, no, I doubted it would be as easy as that. And although Megamind was no longer here, I doubted the city officials would care to share their offices with a pack of biting metal traps. They obviously listened to me, so if only there was a way to...

I hit upon an idea and glanced at Hal, who was still offering his camera as a sacrifice to spare his life. Well, if it got us to Megamind, I supposed a little wounded pride was an acceptable price. Turning back to the brain-bot, I took a breath, then patted my thighs, commanding, "Where's Daddy? Can you find Daddy? Go find Daddy!" The bots spun around and made a few excited _bowg-bowg_ sounds before zipping out the door. Yes! Embarrassing or not, at least it worked.

"Come on Hal, we've got to follow them!" I beckoned him excitedly before running out the door after the retreating bots. Wow, talk about killing two birds with one stone. I raced outside, and to my dismay found that the brain-bots had dispersed high in the air, barely-noticeable specks of pink and blue hovering away in random directions. ... Damn, smarter than I thought. And with the van all the way on the other side of the plaza, there was no way to catch up to even one of them before I lost them entirely.

Hal came stumbling out the door a moment later, clutching his chest and wheezing dramatically. "Okay... man... this has been my workout for the day..." He slid his back down against the doorframe and groaned, "Roxy... this ain't gonna work. You know? I mean, you're just one chick, what difference can you possibly make?"

"No, Hal, we can't let Megamind win," I retorted sternly. "We're not giving up yet, there has to be a way to find him."

Hal lazily wiped the back of his hand over his forehead and let his arm flop to his side. "He's probably back at his secret hideout or something, so there's no point."

I paused a beat. Of course! Wow, getting one-upped by Hal, that was a new one. Still, credit where credit was due. "Hal, that's it! You're a genius!"

Hal sat up straight and looked at me dumbfounded, "I am? I mean, _oooh_ yeah, even Megmind can't touch _this_ intellect." He stood up and swaggered my way, either in an attempt to look suave, or because his legs were wobbly from all the running, I couldn't tell. "Just call me the Idea Guy."

"Yes! All we have to do is find his secret hideout."

"Yes!" Hal replied, equally enthusiastic, before going silent and the enthusiasm slowly draining from his face. "Uh, wait. See, I thought the whole point of 'secret hideout' was that it was, you know, not-findable. One does not simply walk into Evil Lair."

"I've been there, Hal, I'm sure I can find it," I reasoned, rubbing my fingers to my chin in thought. True, I'd been unconscious during my arrival and departure, so had no means to determine its location. But... come on, I'd been _inside_ it, so I had more clues than anyone as to where it could be. If I didn't know what it looked like on the outside, then maybe looking at the inside and extrapolating...

"That's it!" I exclaimed. "Hal, when Megamind kidnapped me that last time, he set up an elaborate set to trick me into thinking I was inside the abandoned observatory. It even had a telescope and a view outside. So wherever he's at, it must have a dome on the roof!"

Hal casually glanced out over the city, then shrugged. "Okay, great. You wanna go that way, I'll go this way, and we'll check every building for domes, and meet back here in fifty years or so?"

I looked up at City Hall and scowled. Even City Hall had a dome, so for all I knew it could have been right here. Gazing back out across the reflecting pool at the demolished museum, I squinted my eyes and commented, "But... the view is wrong." Brightening up, I clapped my hands together and spun around, exclaiming, "That's it! Hal, I couldn't see the lair from the outside, but I could see the outside from the lair! It's... it's gotta be..."

I grabbed Hal by the arm and ran back into City Hall. "Agh, more with the running, what's _with_ you?"

Inside the front lobby hung a large map of the city. Armed with a handful of thumbtacks snagged from a neighboring bulletin board, I thrust a red tack into the hill on the coast. "Okay, look, here's the observatory. Hal, I could _see_ the observatory from the lair, so..." I held my hands in front of my face perpendicular to the ground to mimic the view from the lair, lining them up with the map. "The water... the water was to the left, so I had to have been _north_ of the observatory..." My finger trailed up before hesitating and trailing back down. Dammit, why did they always hang these maps upside-down? Down, across the harbor into...

"The Industrial District," I concluded. I held my hand against the map, the edge of my palm forming a line between the observatory and Metro Tower. "I couldn't see the skyline in the background, so that means..." I rotated my hand using the observatory tack as an axis until my fingertips had swept clear of downtown, the remainder of my hand covering the portion of the Industrial District from which downtown would have been visible if looking in the direction of the observatory. All that was left showing on the map were a few scant blocks of the tail of land that swept out into the water north of the city.

Smirking triumphantly, I held aloft a blue thumbtack and planted it in the map. "Gotcha..." I whirled around, clenching my fist. "Let's put these nosy reporter skills to work."

Hal backed away hesitantly. "Whoa whoa whoa, sis, let's take it easy a bit here. I mean, I _did_ save you from flying killer robots already today, but maybe we shouldn't push our luck. Cuz, let's face it. We're no heroes."

"_Any_one can be a hero, Hal," I retorted, putting my hands on my hips. Ugh, he was always such a downer. He was rapidly sapping my inspiration, and I was _not_ going to cave in to his pessimism like I did back at Megamind's initial overtaking of the city. Oh, how I wished for a more enthusiastic partner...

... Bernard! Bernard had been the one to inspire me in the first place, and given that he was the curator of the Metro Man Museum, he might even have some vested interest in staking out Megamind's hideout. If I could somehow get him to team up with us...

But... I didn't know how to get in contact with him. He obviously wasn't coming in to work today, and I didn't even know his last name, much less his address or phone number. The museum's website might have his office phone number, but due to that first setback, that wasn't going to help me much.

Whatever, I'd think of something on the way there. We didn't have any time to waste. I dragged the grumbling Hal back to the van and instructed him to head in the general direction of the Industrial District while I set the location I'd marked on the map in the van's GPS.

As I tapped away at the laptop in an attempt to track down Bernard's contact information, a sudden thought occurred to me. I'd... interviewed him, right? If we aired it, that meant that he'd signed a waiver with the station, possibly including personal contact information in the event a follow-up was requested. I pulled up the interview records and typed "Bernard" into the search field, narrowing the search dates to within a few weeks of the museum's opening. A half-dozen possibilities popped up, and I scanned through their contents until I found one with "Metro Man Museum, Curator" listed as "occupation". Yes! That has to be it! Okay, scroll down, office phone... office hours... cell phone!

I whipped out my own cell phone and hastily typed in the number. My thumb hovered over the "call" button, but I had the sudden thought... Would he find it creepy that I'd dug into company records to pull up his phone number and was now calling him out of the blue for a non-work-related matter? It kind of reeked of desperation, but... these were desperate times, weren't they? I mean, it's not like I was calling him to ask him out or anything. I'd just-

I had to fumble with my phone as it nearly flew out of my hands when Hal hit the brakes quite suddenly. I looked to him with a confused expression, before he nodded his head out the front window. "So... this the dome we're looking for?"

And there it was. Giant and looming in the early morning sun, an abandoned power plant with a hastily-constructed and decidedly architecturally pointless dome atop it, still surrounded by scaffolding. I looked out over the water and saw the remains of the observatory, in the same orientation and location that I'd remembered from that fateful afternoon. There was no doubt about it. This was the place.

I retrieved the digital camera from the glove box and switched in a fresh memory card, good for a few hundred pictures. All right, Megamind. Your uncontested rule is about to get a taste of espionage. "Ready the camera, Hal. We're going in."

He sniffed. "Okay, but if you get vaporized, don't say I didn't warn you." I gave him a flat look and punched the "call" button on my phone decisively as I got out of the car. Time for a better conversation partner. I just hoped I wasn't waking him up.

The phone rang a few times and I began to worry that he really was still asleep. Just as I was about to give up, though, I heard it pick up. A hesitant voice on the other end answered, "Ollo?"

I blinked. Was he... expecting a call from overseas or something? Was this even the right number? A moment later, he corrected, "Oh, hello?"

"Bernard, it's Roxanne," I said, a little more excitedly than I'd intended. "I just wanted to thank you for inspiring me the other day."

"Oh! You inspired me, too," he responded pleasantly. Oh, good, so he's not upset about me calling him all of a sudden. This'll make things a lot easier.

"Great! It's time we stood up to Megamind and show him he can't push us around," I declared. If I could at least inspire him into action, maybe eventually we could inspire others and topple Megamind through sheer force of numbers. But for now, something to rattle his nerves would do. Something to show him that Metro Citizens wouldn't go down without a fight.

Glancing around, realizing that Megamind could quite possibly have the entire area bugged, I held my hand over my phone and whispered, "I'm already hot on his trail."

"And what gives you that idea?" he wondered.

Ha, he's not gonna believe this. "I just found his secret hideout!"

There was some unintelligible muffling on the other end. Maybe he dropped his phone in shock. I was certainly shocked that all the clues managed to fall together so well. It really was amazing what we could do if we really put our minds to it. Finally, his voice returned to the line and he calmly wondered, "How did you find his hideout?"

I had to laugh a little at the obviousness of it all now that I'd found it. "This is the only building in Metro City with a fake observatory on the roof!"

Silence again. Though, maybe I'd called him a bit prematurely, because even though I'd found what was most definitely the hideout, I wasn't seeing any manner of doorway. There was probably a secret entrance somewhere, but certainly it wouldn't be so obvious as to be labeled with a doormat reading "Secret Entrance" or something.

And it wasn't. The doormat said "Secrit Entrance", actually.

I tested my hand against the wall and found it to be a hologram that allowed me to pass right through. I heard more commotion on the other end of the phone that might have been interference caused by the holographic projection, but I heard something that sounded like "Dim-witted creation of science!"

"What?" I wondered in to the phone.

"Oh, not you, Roxanne," Bernard's voice finally returned. "I was just yelling at my... mother's urn. Don't do anything, I'll be right there."

Well, it's not like I was calling him to come save me or anything. I didn't need saving anymore. This time I was going to be the hero. And Megamind would never know what hit him.


	7. That was weird for everybody

**Predictable**

_Chapter 7: That was weird for everybody_

* * *

It was hardly the smartest plan ever. Break into an evil supergenius's lair alone on a whim and armed only with a camera? This had to rank up there with Megamind's "Trojan Chocolate Bunny" plan in terms of forethought (I mean, seriously, what did he _think_ would happen?).

Waiting for help or arming myself had never even occurred to me, though. Against Megamind, neither seemed necessary. Yes, he'd killed Metro Man and tried to kill me by blowing up the museum, but that was just it. Simply sniping me with a ray gun for sneaking into his lair wasn't Megamind's style. He was all about the spectacle, so if he was going to lash out at me violently, he'd do it with a cauldron of molten iron, a cloned dinosaur, or at the absolute least, the good old rope and railroad tracks.

I had to pause at an inner door when I caught myself smiling at the thought. Did I... _miss_ having my life threatened on a weekly basis? Is that why I was so recklessly seeking Megamind out now? I... no, that's crazy. My greatest wish was that the kidnappings, the games, the danger would just _end_ so I could go on to have a normal, boring life.

And... I _could_ have gone on to a normal life a month ago. The only reason I'd ever been a part of this in the first place was because Megamind had mistaken me as an object of Metro Man's affection and proceeded to use me as a pawn to get to him. With Metro Man now gone, I was... purposeless. My existence no longer held any meaning in the grand scheme of things.

And I hated that feeling.

Sucking up my chest, I stared firmly at the door before me. I _could_ just put this whole thing behind me, leave the city, and start a new life somewhere else. But, no. There was something I could do here, and dammit, I was going to do it. My purpose in life didn't have to revolve around a role someone else decided for me anymore. I was free to decide my own purpose now. And with a slow shove of the door, I made my decision.

A gigantic room opened up before me, lined on all sides with machinery and assortments of robotic contraptions. Bombs and other weaponry hung from the ceiling, and at the far end of the room hung a conspicuous red curtain. I stepped cautiously into the open area and surveyed my surroundings. There was no sign of activity here, either, though it definitely evoked a much more "lively" sensation than City Hall. Megamind was still definitely actively using this facility, but was he here lurking in the shadows or-

"Roxanne?"

-right behind me, holy crap! I whirled around and poised to throw my camera at his giant blue head, but upon inspection, the only blue I saw was a sweater. Oh, whoa, phew, it was just Bernard. He'd sure sounded a lot like Megamind without looking at him.

I let out a sigh of relief and breathed, "I'm glad you're here," before my brows furrowed in confusion. I'd only called him, what, five minutes ago? "Wait, how did you get here so fast?"

He clasped his hands anxiously and hurriedly moved around me, replying, "Well, I, uh... I happened to be speedwalking nearby when you called."

"In a suit?" Come to think of it, that was the same suit he was wearing yesterday, too. Maybe the shock of having his workplace blown up had left him unable to sleep and he'd never had the chance to change between now and then.

"Uh-huh. It's called... 'Formal Speedwalking'," he explained. ... Okay, if you really don't want to tell me what you were doing out here, you can just say so instead of making up something that blatantly ridiculous. I held my camera at the ready and kept my eye out for anything that looked like incriminating evidence as we made our way towards the conspicuous red curtain. Bernard hastened ahead of me and gestured to a side door, commenting, "This way looks exciting!"

I took one glance at the door. "No, it says 'Exit'." Again, if he was uncomfortable being here, he could just say so outright instead of stringing me along with feigned bravado. I honestly didn't care if he was a wimp as long as he was honest about it.

He continued to suggest the door in futility ("'Exit', is short for 'exciting', right?"), but I had my sights on the conspicuous red curtain. Curtains are for hiding things, and it was just like Megamind to have his most incriminating secrets hidden in plain sight. I was sure that even Bernard, incredibly average curator genius and master of all inquiry, would grow a backbone upon getting an opportunity at some exclusive insider info on his favorite research subject.

I pulled back the curtain and was greeted with even more than I could have hoped for: An array of colored notes, each suspended from the ceiling by string and containing written steps and diagrams of what had to be his next plan. Oh man... "This is the Mother Lode!" I exclaimed in excitement. I had to stand back and gaze at it in awe. This was... my first real look into Megamind's thought process. That mind that... boggled me yet fascinated me, drew me in wanting me to desperately know more about what was going on inside. That face that was so easy to read, eyes that let me stare right into him, but only down to the next surface level. This... this was such a more intimate look into his psyche and I couldn't believe how giddy I was to have it in my grasp.

I moved in, gasping to myself in awe, half-aware of Bernard coming in behind me. A cursory look at the notes gave the impression of something jumbled, disorganized, and senseless, but from Megamind I wouldn't expect anything less. Besides, it wouldn't be any fun to beat him at his own game if I didn't have to work for it. Bernard made an uncertain noise behind me, and I prompted, "You know, I could really use your help in deciphering all this."

"Really?" he wondered, as if the thought had never occurred to him.

"You're an expert in all things Megamind, right?" I reasoned. "Together we can figure out his plan for the city and stop it! Are you in?"

Bernard gave me a goofy grin and pumped his fist. "Oh, what fun!" Yes, that's what I want to hear! I knew that finding something like this would embolden him! I certainly wasn't going to beg for his help, but I'd definitely appreciate it, especially if time was of the essence.

I held up my camera and began snapping pictures, knowing that Megamind would definitely suspect something was amiss if he returned to his lair only to find his plans in disarray or missing. Oh, where to start, though? Everything and anything could be important in decoding this message. The coloring of the paper, the medium it was written in (one even appeared to have been scrawled in jelly), the height off the floor... I had to make sure I captured a full catalogue of everything exactly as it appeared.

I was making my way over to a collection of cork boards laden with more notes when a loud clatter caused me to jump back. A small swarm of brain-bots burst forth from the piping, blaring a warning that sounded something like "_intruder_" (strange, I'd only ever heard them say "_bowg-bowg_" up until now).

The bots hovered over us momentarily to take stock of the nature of the threat before descending upon us. I quickly jumped out of the way, but Bernard had apparently opted for the "maybe they're motion-sensitive" strategy and stayed frozen in place. He was promptly apprehended and carted away. I jumped to my feet to pursue, but really didn't know what I'd be able to do against a swarm of metal-mouthed clap-traps, especially if they were bringing Bernard before their master.

As luck would have it, a storage container that had been overturned in the skirmish had presented me with a large and powerful-looking firearm of some sort. I had no idea what to make of it, other than it was probably intended to shoot _something_, so having the ability to shoot _something_ when faced with an angry pack of guard-bots was definitely preferable to the alternative.

I grabbed the gun and rushed to the narrow passage the brain-bots had dragged Bernard into. As I veered around the corner, I spotted him instantly.

"Him" in this case, though, was Megamind. I had to pause in shock at seeing him for the first time in a month. It felt strange, going that long without seeing those green eyes leering down at me over that cocky, self-satisfied smirk. It felt even stranger to be encountering him in a situation that did not involve being kidnapped. And it felt strangest that I had come upon him while he was flat on the floor, peeking out at me from under his cape like he'd been hiding in the shadows this entire time.

This was no time for musing over how different things had become, though. I sternly approached him and demanded, "What have you done with Bernard?"

Megamind scrambled to his feet and brushed himself off nonchalantly, eyes flicking about as if he was up to something morally questionable even for him (and I would not put it past him). "Bernard? Oh... oh yes, I'm doing... horrible things to that man." He gestured broadly and continued, "I don't want to get into it, but lasers... spikes..." He edged over to a storm shelter and pulled open the doors, shouting into it, "Oh please no! Not the lasers and the spikes!" He glanced up at me to see if I was buying it, quipping, "You know the drill," before returning his face to the doorway and shouting, "Oh no, not the drill!" for good measure.

I stared at him flatly. He couldn't possibly be stupid enough to think I'd fall for that. No... he wasn't that stupid. So he might have anticipated that I _wouldn't_ fall for something so obvious and therefore perhaps really _did_ have Bernard detained down there and was counting on me calling his bluff and not investigating. He'd tricked me with the seemingly obvious observatory stunt before, and I was still furious at myself to this day for being so _dead_ wrong about that.

Swallowing my pride at being forced to play along with this until I could better read his thought process, I weakly demanded, "Let him go! Or..." I glanced at the gun in my hand with uncertainty, but slowly brought it up and trained it on him.

Megamind rolled his head back cockily and wondered, "Or wha-" His breath caught as he suddenly realized he was staring down the barrel of a rather sinister-looking weapon. He obviously hadn't expected me to threaten him.

And I wasn't particularly comfortable with threatening him, either, but if it's what had to be done to get both myself and Bernard out of this alive, so be it. I held the gun up more decisively and threatened, "Or I'm gonna find out what this weird-looking gun does." I pursed my lips anxiously. I didn't call your bluff... so please, please don't call mine.

"Nono, don't shoot!" Megamind warned, holding his hands out defensively and backing away from the cellar. Believe me, if I can at all help it, I am _not_ going to. With a sideways glance at the cellar, he offered, "I'll... I'll just go get him."

He dove into the cellar and I cautiously lowered the gun and watched after him. So... it _had_ been a feigned bluff like back at the observatory? Huh... using the same trick on me twice. How very... like Megamind. At least I knew he was still predictable in some ways.

Bernard's head shot out of the cellar as he attempted to wrestle Megamind's arm away from his face. Was he actually... intending to engage the city's supervillainous dictator in a wrestling match? And here I was thinking Bernard had no guts.

What he made up for in courage, though, was lacking in strength, as Megamind pushed him back into the cellar. I raised the gun again, ready to jump in and assist if it became necessary, but something about the struggle was beginning to look... off. I couldn't quite place my finger on it other than their movements looked somehow... unnatural... awkward. This being Megamind, it could very well all be some sort of ruse, but I was hard-pressed to come up with what. A Bernard robot puppet, maybe? But how did he fabricate something like that so fast?

I curiously approached the cellar door and reached for it, the sounds of struggle still emanating from beneath. Just as I was about to pull it open and get a good look at what was going on down there, the real Bernard came flying out and smacked against the opposite wall. I let out a sigh of relief and rushed to him. Well, whatever weird thing Megamind was up to, at least Bernard was safe. "Are you okay?" I wondered breathlessly.

Bernard fixed his glasses and helplessly moaned, "I did my best... but he's too fantastic!" Well, true, if we're going by the word's original definition. He pulled himself up and offered, "Let me carry that heavy gun for you."

Ohh no, I am not, and never was, a weak little damsel who needed a big, strong man to save her. I came here to be the hero, and me being a woman was hardly reason to preemptively pass the torch. "I got us covered," I assured him, keeping the gun at the ready in case Megamind or his brain-bots decided to jump us again. A quick glance into the cellar revealed that Megamind had disappeared at some point during the skirmish, so there was no telling where he might pop out next. He was obviously afraid of this weapon, so as long as I had it...

A flash of black, blue, and spikes whizzed in front of me and latched onto the gun's barrel, attempting to wrench it from my hands. I yanked back and yelled over my shoulder for Bernard to run. With Megamind onto us, there was really no more information-gathering to be done, so our best course of action was to escape with what we had. Megamind flung me around, but I held firm and jerked him back around. As the tug-of-war over the weapon of unknown function ensued, I noted that it appeared that I was an equal physical match for him, but I didn't know whether that said more about him or me.

Well, if this thing's power was enough to spook Megamind, let's let it distract him a while. On his next pull, I grabbed the gun's trigger and fired it into the ceiling. Unfortunately, whatever it shot began to ricochet around the room. I dove for cover while Megamind watched after the bouncing bullet in a panic. Ha, chew on that a while, Mister Evil Overlord.

With the brain-bots still snooping around, I had to get out of here fast while the coast was clear. Luckily, I'd snuck behind a console that was not ten feet from the "Exit" door Bernard had so helpfully pointed out earlier. This was my chance, just get through this door and I'm-

-alligator bait? I can definitely say I was _not_ thinking about alligators on the way over this time around, but that was indeed what was behind the deceptively-labeled "Exit" door. I flailed frantically, but I'd already had too much momentum going through. Ugh, that little blue sneak finally got me good this time...

Or, something got me good. A hand grabbed my wrist and forcefully pulled me back through the door and out of the jaws of the awaiting reptiles. I spun around and discovered my rescuer to be...

"Bernard!" I gasped. I'd told him to run, but he'd... come back for me, even when I'd shirked his help before. What a swell guy. "You were right about that door being exciting," I said breathlessly. I really needed to stop being so hard on men who maybe were just trying to be nice to me.

Brain-bots quickly descended on us in pursuit, and the two of us took off running towards the door we'd originally come in. We'd be no match for their speed, though, so we'd need something to slow them down.

As fortune would have it, a stockpile of dynamite was displayed off to the side, and I snatched up a bundle as we ran past. A brain-bot trying to block our path made for a convenient fuse as I grabbed it by one of its mechanical feelers and used the dynamite's wick to short its electrical leads, igniting the dynamite in the process. "This'll stop 'em!" I announced, tossing the bomb to Bernard.

He fumbled with it momentarily and whimpered, "Seems a bit extreme, doesn't it?" Well, if he had any better ideas, now was the time.

"Just throw it!" I shouted. Extreme or not, it wasn't going to do us any good if he just held onto it.

Bernard finally did as he was told and the two of us dove out through the holographic wall as the dynamite exploded behind us. The shockwave from the blast threw us to the ground, and we were both left on our hands and knees coughing through the smoke and dust. A few moments of silence passed, and when no brain-bots appeared to apprehend us, it looked like we'd made it out home free!

Ha! The ball had been passed several times, admittedly, but I'd ended up coming out on top. I'd bested Megamind completely on my own (well, with Bernard's help, admittedly). I couldn't believe how giddy this all was making me feeling. I could... _we_ could do this! We could confront Megamind and take back this city on our own, Metro Man or no.

"Wow... that was really exciting," I panted, turning to Bernard. "You were very strong in there. I've never seen anyone but Metro Man stand up to him like that." And I wasn't just saying that to be nice, he really did impress me back there. He'd been afraid, definitely, and hadn't put up much of a fight, but he'd still stood his ground when it mattered, and that's what really counted. When facing Megamind, the battles fought psychologically were even more important than physical strength. And what was more, I now had an ally who was just as motivated and knowledgeable as me, making us a formidable team against-

"What's going on?" came a nasal groan from the ground behind us.

What the... oh, it's Hal. I'd... completely forgotten about him. He was lying on the ground holding his face, so had someone attacked him while I was inside? "Hal, what happened?"

"I think a bee flew up my nose," he whined. "I was just about to make my frontal assault to rescue you but, like, fifty ninjas tried to attack me, so I had to go beat 'em all up..." I stopped paying attention at that point and settled on the bee flying up his nose.

"Wow, brave one, isn't he?" Bernard commended, obviously not familiar with Hal's habit of spouting self-aggrandizing BS. Either that or it was sarcasm, it was hard to tell.

Hal must have chosen option two, as he looked Bernard over and stuffily wondered, "Who are _you_?"

That was a good question. Who _was_ Bernard to me now? He'd come to join me without any prompting and had risked his life to stand up to Megamind. "Oh, this is Bernard," I explained. I still didn't even know his last name. "He's my... partner," was the best explanation I could come up with at the moment.

"_Partner_?" Hal repeated, sounding offended. When Bernard confirmed, Hal glared at him and insisted, "Look, _partner_, I'm her _partner_. She doesn't know what she's saying, she's been through a traumatic experience-"

"I'd better take him home," I cut him off before this turned into another machismo ramble. "Thanks again, Bernard," I said, turning back to him. "Partner", then... I hadn't been certain he'd accept such a designation, but he'd confirmed it without restraint or question. He was really with me in this. If he was my partner, then that also made me his. I wasn't a damsel or a pawn or a tool or an object of lust, I was...

Hugging him, actually. I'd done it without even thinking, I was so overcome. Presumptuously calling him my partner was already a bit questionable, but suddenly reaching out and hugging him might have been crossing the line a bit. He didn't immediately return the embrace, and I began to fear that by letting my emotions get the better of me, I'd just ruined whatever tentative relationship we might have been building.

My shoulders relaxed in relief when I felt tentative hands clasp my back. So timid, like this was the first time he'd ever been hugged in his life. I smiled into his shoulder and pulled away, not wanting to overstay my welcome. I gave him a friendly punch to the chest and said, "I'll call you tomorrow, partner."

It took him a moment to find his voice, but he finally responded with a flustered, "Yeah, okay. I'd like that..."

Hal began mumbling something pessimistic again and I prodded him towards the news van to get him out of here. I spared a long gaze back at Bernard as we departed, unable to suppress my smile. I'd liberated City Hall, discovered and infiltrated Megamind's lair, collected a mountain of evidence, solidified a new friendship, and it wasn't even yet noon.

Today was shaping up to be an amazing day. Metro City was in for some spectacular changes, and those changes would start today.


	8. This is no mistake, it's destiny

**Predictable**

_Chapter 8: This is no mistake, it's destiny_

* * *

My brain was abuzz with ideas as I drove quickly through downtown, a grumbling Hal in tow. Oh, if only his apartment wasn't so out of the way, I could get to work on piecing together Megamind's plan more quickly, but Hal was a hindrance that was necessary to get rid of first. Even so, I did my best to drown out his griping to focus on some preliminary hypotheses before I got the chance to really examine the evidence.

Whatever this plan of his was, he'd dedicated an entire room of his lair to its engineering. It had to be something huge, on a city-wide - or potentially greater - scale. Something he couldn't have done so long as Metro Man was in the picture. After all, he'd been trying to get rid of Metro Man ever since I could remember, and it _had_ to be because Metro Man was standing in the way of _something_. But what? If it weren't for Metro Man, then he'd be able to... what? Argh, it was so frustrating, and I was just itching to blow up those photos I took and get to work cracking his mind's code.

But now Megamind knew I was on to him. I'd been so excited to collect so much evidence at City Hall and his lair that it was only now that I was starting to consider the implications of interfering with him. If I did turn those videos over to the authorities and they tried to reclaim City Hall... what would he do? Even if he wasn't using the building anymore, would he (correctly) interpret it as an act of defiance, and do something terrible in retaliation?

If that was the case, then just like with Metro Man, the blood would be on my hands. I pursed my lips and gripped the steering wheel more tightly. I definitely couldn't afford to sit back and be afraid to act anymore, but against someone like Megamind, I'd need to plan those actions carefully instead of making rash decisions. The lair assault had been spur of the moment, and if Bernard hadn't been there I probably wouldn't have made it out alive.

I smiled a little to myself at the thought. Yes, with Bernard, we were twice as strong. If we put our heads together, we'd definitely be able to defeat Megamind where it counted.

"That Burnhard guy, though, I don't trust him," Hal broke into my thoughts. "I'm tellin' ya, he's just trying to weasel his way into your space now that Metro Man bit the big one. Guys like that, they act like they're all tough or something, but, I mean, come on, you know what they're _really_ after," he asserted, raising a leering eyebrow. Somehow, I couldn't help but feel offended by that accusation, giving Hal an incredulous look. He raised his hand, the other still holding his nostril closed, defending, "What? Roxy, c'mon, I'm right here for you, all the time, you don't need some new guy to rescue you. I mean, what's so great about _him_?"

Halfway intelligent conversation, for starters. Not to mention the refreshingly humble attitude. And for crying out loud, I _don't_ need to be rescued! Not wanting to make such cynical remarks out loud, though, I shrugged and responded, "Come on, Hal, he's the premier authority on Megamind, so he's the perfect person to enlist to help crack his master plan."

"Instead of his master plan, why hasn't anyone just cracked the guy's skull?" Hal wondered dejectedly. "I mean, big head, big target, right?" He pointed his finger at his own head, then jerked his head to the side while making a mock "Pew!" noise and recoiling his finger. "Seriously, why didn't Metro Man just blast the guy's face in years ago and save everyone a lot of trouble? He's got those, like, laser eyeball things, right? He could just be like... zap zap zap, and then Megamind's head would be like psheeeew, and then everything would be cool."

The van screeched abruptly to a halt as I gripped the steering wheel firmly. I seethed in silence, though not quite sure why what he'd said had set me off so badly. Yes, Megamind was responsible for countless atrocities and we'd really all be better off if he wasn't around. But I'd already seen what happens to someone when they resort to killing whoever inconveniences them. And that was a path I was determined not to take. "We're here..." was all I could manage to say, still glaring firmly out the front windshield.

Hal cocked his head, then looked out my side window. "Ah, yeah." He fiddled with his door, then, completely oblivious to my expressed mood, continued, "So, I mean, don't work yourself too hard when there's an easy way out. S'what I always do, eh?" He pointed at me with a little click of his tongue, then got out of the van.

As soon as he shut the door, I could not get out of there fast enough. I heard him call after me, but gave it no mind. I'd see him again at work soon enough. For now, though, there were much more important things to do.

* * *

I felt like a teenager anxious for the season premiere of her favorite reality show as I impatiently fidgeted my feet while my computer took its sweet time recognizing the presence of and indexing the files on my camera's memory card. Do I want to auto-play this? No, I don't want to auto-play this, why is it even asking me that? No, I don't want to post them directly to Facebook. No, I don't want to make a slideshow. _No, I don't want to restart my computer now so that the updates can take effect_. God _damn_ it, it's like the computer _knew _I was doing something of earth-shattering importance and was determined to make it as cumbersome as possible.

Finally closing out of all of the "helpful" suggestions, I loaded the first picture into my image editor, then proceeded to glare impatiently at the progress bar as it rendered the 12-megapixel file. My heart leapt in excitement when the image finally appeared (albeit resized to fit on the screen) and eagerly zoomed in for a closer look at the individual papers that I'd photographed. I'd been in such a hurry to get a photographic catalogue of everything in the lair that I hadn't had the chance to really read much of what I'd seen while I was there. But now, this was it. Finally, in the safety of my flat, in the leisure of my after-work hours, I'd be able to go over Megamind's plan in detail. His deepest secrets, his most malicious motives, all laid out plainly before me for the first time.

I held my breath when my panning through the image revealed the first page of crisp text. There it was, written plainly before me on a piece of graphing paper, the text already speaking volumes as to the nature of his plan:

"Step 27: Eat more veggies". Accompanied by a helpful doodle of a carrot.

My tensed and excited expression held steady for a few seconds as I re-read the page over and over again. But no matter how many times I mulled it over, I just couldn't really work it into an overall evil scheme of any kind.

Well, no matter, there were still hundreds of pages to look through. This was "Step 27" after all, so it was only natural that it made no sense without context. Once I looked over more, I was sure it would all come together.

Many hours later, my face was planted in my keyboard, an eloquent string of "fgthjjjjjjjjjj" trailing off the edge of my screen. This was hopeless. Hopeless! Further perusal had unearthed other stunning messages such as "Step 12: Mutton chops", "Step 2: Evil jammies", and a stick figure of Megamind hiding behind a bush. These were either the stream-of-consciousness ramblings of a madman, or an ingeniously complicated code that only he could decipher. Though there was really no reason it couldn't be both.

I rubbed my forehead and finally looked at the time. 9:27? Ugh, I'd been at this for over eight hours, then, and had only managed to give myself a migraine. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I couldn't possibly have prepared myself for this level of cryptic nonsense.

It was no wonder he left these plans hanging out in the open in his lair, then. Written by Megamind, and only able to be deciphered by Megamind. Decoding this mess would require delving deep into his psyche: Learning everything there was to know about him and his thought process in order to tune the focus of my mind's eye more in line with his.

The prospect was a bit intimidating to me, though. Megamind was a heartless killer who had run the city into the ground for his own amusement. Did I really want to become intimately familiar with the twisted mindset behind all that? Given that I'd had firsthand experience in most of his plots, I'd never bothered to look into his police records or personal history before. Mostly because I'd considered him an annoying yet harmless thrill-seeker, and didn't want to end up inadvertently digging up something that would tarnish that naive image.

And now on this side of the fence, I was still afraid of what I'd find. There had been biographies, psychological studies, editorials, and mountains of other research readily available for all the years of my kidnappings, yet I'd ignored them out of the assumption that I knew what was really going on. But if these writings ended up plainly revealing all the warning signs that would have readily predicted that fateful morning a month ago, then my willful ignorance had...

I clenched my fist tightly and pounded it on the desk. No, Roxanne, stop guilt-tripping yourself so much over this, it's not going to help anything. What's done is done, and second-guessing myself over how I could have done things differently won't retroactively change what happened. I made a mistake - a terrible mistake - but I can learn from it.

Time to change tactics. Delving head-first into this pile of ramblings wasn't getting me anywhere, so it was time to take a break in favor of some good old-fashioned research. And since Bernard was the premier expert when it came to Megamind research, I was certain he'd be able to point me in the right direction.

It was getting kind of late and I knew I said I'd call him tomorrow, but... eh, I wasn't going to be able to sleep on this, anyway. I decided to leave him a text message rather than calling in case he was already asleep, and he could follow up whenever he had the time. "Meet Library - RR," I hastily typed into my phone and sent it off as I gathered my coat. Even if he was asleep, with as much material as I had to go through, I wouldn't be surprised if I spent the entire night at the library. I supposed one upside of Megamind's closure of all public services was that there was no longer anyone there to lock the doors and kick me out.

Just as I reached the door, my cellphone buzzed from my pocket. So he was awake, huh? I flipped it open and saw that he had written back, "cant weight lol :)". I blamed auto-correct. But he certainly seemed chipper about meeting up. Though, being the Megamind nerd that he was, he was likely eager to show off his knowledge. And in this situation, I absolutely did not mind.

Yes, Bernard, by all means, dazzle me with your intellect. I can't wait. LOL. Smiley face.

* * *

The library was deserted, but I hadn't expected anything different. Even in cities that weren't under the dictatorship of an evil overlord, the library wasn't exactly the hip place to be at 10:00 at night. But I was Roxanne Ritchi, and I didn't care about what was in style. I was getting kidnapped before getting kidnapped was cool.

There was an entire wall dedicated to books about Metro Man, Megamind, and the rivalry between them. Though the books were vaguely arranged based on the aforementioned three categories, the internal arrangement was based on author rather than subject, meaning I'd have to skim through all of them to find the topics I was looking for.

I pulled one titled "Megamind's Ultimate Objective" that sounded promising. The rear cover read, "The startling truth behind the legendary villain's motives! Is he a scout sent by an alien race bent on galactic domination? Is his goal to destroy the world? Is he a genetically-engineered supersoldier who intends to replace humanity? Find out the real story!"

That book went right back on the shelf. I knew I'd seen this sort of thing in tabloids all the time, but to think that this level of tripe could get _published_? Though it did make me realize that, of all things, I actually didn't know for sure what Megamind was. Was he an alien? Some kind of creation of science? I remembered that the question had once tugged at me years ago, but after becoming so accustomed to him, I'd honestly forgotten that he wasn't human. But if he really was created or sent to Earth with some purpose, that would definitely help in understanding his current goals. I just wondered if any of these authors truly knew for certain where he'd come from.

The more I browsed, the more I found myself deeply _wanting _to know more about him, not just for the sake of unraveling his plan, but for a more personal satisfaction. I'd known the guy for so many years, but was still ignorant of basic things such as his race, his place of origin, or even his real name ("Megamind" didn't seem like something likely to appear in mainstream baby name books).

I finally settled on two books to start with: One titled "Megamind's War", whose author promised to detail suggestions for non-Metro Man-based methods of fighting the menace, and the other titled "Megamind Unmasked". Because if there was one thing I absolutely needed right now, it was to get under that grandstanding villainous mask he always wore and look at what he really was underneath.

When I turned from the shelves, I almost dropped my books in shock, as Bernard had been standing right behind me. He straightened up when I saw him, eyes going wide as if he was surprised I'd noticed him standing there. He stared at me, frozen, silent, for what felt like a full minute before finally blurting out, "... Hi!"

"Oh, hi!" I said back excitedly. "I'm glad you could make it! I hope it's not too much of an inconvenience for you."

"Oh, no, no..." he waved me off, glancing around a bit apprehensively. "I was... in need of a bit of a break myself, anyway."

I sat down at a nearby table and wondered, "Oh? So what have you been up to now that the museum's closed?"

"Oh, you know. ... Things," he answered, trying to give a nonchalant wave. He leaned his arm against the back of the chair across the table from me and awkwardly continued, "Just a little... pet project I have going on on the side, it's really nothING-" he attempted to sit down but missed the edge of the chair, catching himself hastily on the back before quickly pulling himself in as if nothing had happened, "-you need to concern yourself with." A quick finger to the bridge of his nose righted his glasses.

He continued to look around as if he was expecting something to jump out at him from behind the bookshelves. He drummed his fingers in his lap with his shoulders hunched, and finally wondered, "Is it normally so... quiet in here? I mean, this is a 'public' library, right? I was expecting there to be a bit more... 'public'."

"Hmm," I grinned, lacing my fingers and resting my chin on them. "So does that mean the libraries you studied at were a lot busier than this one?"

Bernard's mouth gaped open slightly in a silent pause, before he pointed at me and declared, "Yes! Yes, I am... _very_ well-versed in all manner of knowledge, _this_ I assure you. I have read hundreds of books... _thousands_ of books... I've read-"

"Have you read this one?" I interrupted, holding up the "Megamind's War" book I'd pulled from the shelf. "You've probably read everything in this section, so maybe you can give me some pointers on which of these are any good."

"Well, if it's a book on Megamind, it's excellent by default, I'd imagine."

I folded my hands against my mouth and thought, humming into them. "Mmm, I dunno. I skimmed a few on the shelf, and a lot of it is second- or third-hand accounts of questionable accuracy. Like, okay, remember the one with the squids carrying harpoons?"

"Ahh, the Calamari Cavalry," Bernard answered wistfully. "I always liked that one."

"Yes!" I said enthusiastically. "But, see, one of those books claims that they were _octopi_, not squids."

"What?" exclaimed Bernard, sounding almost personally offended. "What an inexcusably basic mistake! Didn't they bother to count the tentacles?"

"I'm pretty sure they had ten."

"Not eight! And the shape of the body?"

"I remember them being long."

"Not round!" Bernard's forehead fell into his hands and he massaged himself with his palms. "Ohhh, how can someone claim to even have an inkling of the workings of such a genius mind when they can't even keep their cephalapods straight? It's absurd! Do they honestly believe Megamind to be so dimwitted as to call a legion of octopi the 'Calamari Cavalry'?"

I lightly chuckled into the back of my hand. "Well, he _does_ have a habit of consistently mispronouncing basic words."

Bernard glared up at me through his fingers, which had pushed his glasses up to rest on his forehead. "I prefer to think of it as 'pronunciation enhancement'."

Going the politically-correct route, are we? I leaned forward and prompted, "So, you think 'Metrocity' is superior to 'Metro City'?"

Bernard gave a sly smirk, then leaned forward as well, narrowing his eyes. With a light purr, he breathed out, "'Metrocity'..." The way he said it was such a dead-on impersonation, I couldn't help but get a little chill up the back of my neck. I giggled nervously before he continued in the same tone: "'_Shool_'..." Okay, now he was just being silly. I began laughing, which must have taken him by surprise, as he receded from me a ways, blinking. His face regained a much less wily smile, and he continued with a dorky, "'_Revaaahnge_'..."

I couldn't help it. I buried my face in my hands and burst out laughing. Finally I lifted a hand and waved, conceding, "Okay, okay, you win. 'Pronunciation enhancement'."

He cocked his head at me. "I... what?"

I cleared my throat, smoothing out my bangs. "I said you're right. That maybe his pronunciation is a feature, not a bug."

"No, no, I'm pretty sure that you just told me I 'won'," he prodded. "I don't understand, I wasn't even trying to fight you in anything, and now you're telling me I won."

"Well, you sounded serious about it and made a compelling argument," I said, resting my chin back on my hands and smiling. "Being honest takes the least effort, but has the greatest reward."

"Huh..." he replied, looking contemplatively at the edge of the table beside him. I honestly couldn't tell if he was acting naive to be cute, or if he really was that socially awkward. Well, it was cute either way. I could see how someone as timid as he was would be drawn to studying someone with as much bombast and charisma as Megamind.

"Oh, speaking of which," I said, holding the "Megamind Unmasked" book out to him, "I want your honest opinion of this passage. I mean, I know Megamind makes his share of mistakes, but you're right, very few of them were blindingly obvious, so he's obviously not stupid. So I was wondering what you'd think of this."

Bernard skimmed his finger down the page, mouthing the words to himself. "... 'Though one must wonder if even Megamind's intellect has its limits, as illustrated by one highly uncreative prison break attempt that consisted merely of hanging off the underside of a meal cart'..." Bernard set the book on the table before him and held up a finger, "Okay, funny story about that. You see, the reason it was such an 'uncreative prison break attempt' is because... it wasn't a prison break attempt."

I clasped my hands in interest. "Really? So was he just... going for a ride for fun?"

"Ohh, it was of much more importance than that," Bernard explained. "Say what you want about prison food, but the Metrocity Prison-" he paused suddenly and looked up at me apprehensively, but I just started giggling at the slip. Bernard fidgeted in his chair and straightened his shoulders, regaining that sly smirk as he continued in his Megamind voice, "Yes, the _Metrocity_ Prison for the Criminally Gifted, a wretched hive of scum and villainy though it may be, has an absolutely delectable peach cobbler. But it's only on the menu once a month! So, you can imagine Megamind's _utter_ dissatisfaction that, despite being _the_ top criminal mind in the entire facility, they had unforgivably neglected to include it on his platter of otherwise unidentifiable processed food product."

I started laughing into my hands. "So he hid in a meal cart just because he was mad he didn't get dessert?"

Bernard's brows tilted, seemingly realizing how petty and silly this was, laughing a little to himself, but held his hands in front of himself in a pleading gesture, continuing, "This isn't just _any_ dessert! After weeks of bland, tasteless, unmemorable meals, it is the _one_ thing a prisoner has to look forward to!"

"Well, even though he didn't manage to break out of prison that way, did he at least get his peach cobbler?" I wondered between giggles.

"No!" Bernard exclaimed with a helpless chuckle, which just sent me over the edge. "After all that, it turned out they'd forgotten to order it that month! So..." he turned his head and started laughing into his hand, "and here's the best part: The next time Megamind broke out of jail, he bombarded the courtyard with fifty crates of peaches... to make sure they would _never_ forget again!" he emphasized, cocking his eyebrow and baring his teeth in a grin.

I lost it at that point. I didn't care if he was exaggerating or completely making this story up, it still seemed like something Megamind would do. I rocked back in my chair laughing, and Bernard ended up joining me, slapping his hand on the table and crowing, "Oh, what a funny story! And brilliantly told, by the way." The two of us caught our breaths and settled back into our seats, as Bernard eagerly suggested, "Okay, now you tell one."

"Bernard, I never knew you were so funny," I said with a bemused grin, gazing at him across the table.

"And... I've never heard you laugh before," he admitted, peeking up at me shyly over his glasses.

It was true... there hadn't been much to laugh about in the past month. With Metro Man's death and Megamind's conquest of the city... it seemed inappropriate to laugh. But maybe laughing now was an act of defiance. That, no matter how bad things got, we wouldn't let it wear us down. We had to get up, get over it, and move on if we wanted anything to change, and in order to do that, we had to be willing to laugh at ourselves.

I sighed and absently played with my hair, admitting, "Yeah, it's been a while... feels pretty good." Bernard gave me a heartfelt smile as the two of us returned to our books. Though we had plenty of material to go through, like Megamind's disjointed scrawlings, it was going to be yet another task to pick out what was relevant and what wasn't. What was real and what was just someone's assertion of how things _should _be. But whether I was ultimately successful in breaching Megamind's armor or not, at least I knew now that I was in good company.


	9. Welcome to the human race

A couple people have wondered about the choice of title for this chapter since it doesn't seem to match the pattern of previous ones. Generally I title a chapter with a line of dialogue that happens during the timespan covered by the chapter's content, but that doesn't appear in the chapter itself. In this case, though, I'm spending so much time fleshing out the Bernard/Roxanne relationship that I only cover a few seconds of screentime at a time and therefore have no usable "excess" dialogue to pull chapter titles from. So I cheated this time around. The title is a line from "Mister Blue Sky", the song playing in the background during this scene (though I don't think this particular verse was in the movie).

* * *

**Predictable**

_Chapter 9: Welcome to the human race  
_

* * *

We ended up staying at the library well into the morning. Bernard turned out to be a font of Megamind knowledge, as advertised, but he was oddly reluctant to fault Megamind for any of his wrongdoings. Yes, he wholeheartedly agreed that the death of Metro Man was a terrible tragedy, but also insisted that it was an occupational hazard that Metro Man had been well aware of from the start, therefore Megamind's actions were not wrong.

I suppose that was... one weird way of looking at it. That they were both just doing their jobs, and Megamind's "job" just happened to involve murder, terrorism, and government overthrow. And if Megamind _was _the law now, it meant that he could make whatever rules he wanted, including pardoning himself. But certainly Bernard understood that justice wasn't beholden to a single person's whims.

Still, though our opinions differed in areas, he was still refreshingly engaging conversation. So much so that I was reluctant to leave even though I was running on 48 hours with no sleep at this point. I was thankfully scheduled for the 11 o'clock news tonight so still had time for a few hours' sleep. My boss would blow a gasket if I showed up to work with bags under my eyes.

Well, he blew a gasket anyway, even though I showed up completely refreshed after a productive night and a restful afternoon. I was in the middle of having my camera makeup applied when he spontaneously crumpled the papers in his hand and dramatically declared to the overhead floodlights, "STEWAAAAAAART!" He whirled and pointed at me with the crumpled paper. "This is his _third_ no-call-no-show this month! He had better have a plausible excuse this time!"

Hal didn't show up this evening? Not that that was entirely uncommon, I had to admit, but I understood that Hal had a rough life and therefore refrained from being too hard on him. I thought back to the day before and said, "Well, I remember he said something about a bee sting. Do you know if he's allergic?"

"A bee sting? A _bee sting_? The last time he called in, it was because of a _paper cut_! And you want to know how many of his grandmothers have died since he started working here? Five. Now, I'm not here to judge his family tree, but something about that just seems fishy."

"I know, I know," I admitted as the makeup brush swept over my forehead. "But we're all having our problems right now thanks to the state of the city. I'm sure he doesn't do this maliciously, he just needs his time." I stood up from the chair and checked myself in the mirror, fluffing out the front of my bangs. "I'll just take a tripod along, I've done it before."

My boss put his hands behind his back and stepped casually behind me. "If you can manage with a tripod, why do you need a cameraman at all, then? You're right, we're _all_ having our problems right now, including this station, and truth be told, we don't have to _pay _a tripod."

I whirled around and looked up at him. "But, Hal is-"

"Not worth the trouble," he interrupted. "And you can't keep defending him. Maybe you thought while you had Metro Man at your side you could get away with anything, but now that he's gone, you're just a regular reporter." I caught myself on the makeup counter and gasped. Did he think that I was... _using_ Metro Man to _threaten_ them? I'd just been trying to look out for Hal, I had no ultimatum! Why would he assume I would resort to that kind of manipulation?

He turned away from me and continued, "Without Metro Man, our ratings have tanked. No one wants to watch news about how horrible the city has become. Everyone already knows that, but unfortunately, that's the only news we have. So unless you can come up with _something_..."

"I _do_ have something!" I interjected without thinking. I immediately clamped my mouth shut, but he'd already heard me, and had turned to me with an inquisitive eyebrow that demanded more detail. My heart rate quickened as I averted my eyes, trying to think of a way to rescind what I'd just said. But I couldn't. And, you know, the people probably deserved to know. It would make my job that much harder if Megamind caught wind that I was onto him, but at this point...

Drawing in a breath, I tentatively admitted, "I... have some footage... that people might find interesting..."

* * *

How could I have been so stupid? Just when things were finally starting to go well, I had to panic and let slip that I had evidence that seemed to indicate that Megamind had silently withdrawn his hold on the city. Naturally my boss had eagerly gone public with it that very night, excitedly running his favorite flashing "BREAKING NEWS" banner and had me remind everyone no less than every other sentence that, yessir, this was "_exclusive_" KMCP News Channel 8 content. I'd hoped that the fact that Hal had recorded the footage would be enough leverage to help him keep his job, but my boss had still remained firm in his decision.

It had probably all been for nothing, then. The next time Hal showed his face at the studio, he'd get booted right back out the door. The public now mistakenly believed that Megamind was gone and would move to reclaim control of the city. Something I was certain he would not stand for. I wanted to oppose him, yes, but not _provoke _him. One life lost was too many, and thanks to me, the body count was only going to increase.

Therefore, I was off to drown my sorrows the best way I knew how: with books. After practically living there the past night, the library had become my little "secret refuge" as no one else in the city except Bernard and myself had set foot in it for weeks.

Speaking of Bernard, I left him a text message letting him know I'd be at the library again, but given that it was now 1:00 in the morning, I had no expectation that he would get it anytime soon.

Which is why I was utterly shocked when I walked in the door and found him already sitting at our table. Oh god, this wasn't good. I was still excessively emotionally distressed and, while I would have appreciated his company later after I'd calmed down, having him here _right now _would potentially subject him to an emotional breakdown, which would no doubt scare him away and reinforce the public's image that I was just some weepy damsel who needed a big, strong man's shoulder to cry on.

I backed away a step and he blinked in confusion, then in a panic looked himself over as if he thought I'd seen a swarm of bugs crawling all over him. He hesitantly, and almost guiltily, peeked his gaze back up at me and wondered, "Is... something wrong?"

I let out a choked chuckle and sniffed, distractedly playing with my hair as I turned my eyes downward. "Oh, no, I was just surprised, that's all..." With another sniff, I approached him and observed, "You sure do show up fast when I call you. Even faster than Metro Man did..." I took the seat across from him and jokingly wondered, "With your 'super speed', you don't happen to have a secret identity, do you?"

Bernard went stiff as if I had indeed just caught him. I looked at him quizzically, wondering if this was a feigned reaction or if I really had hit upon something. Keeping tabs on Megamind's actions for a living, snooping around his lair, ability to be right where he was needed... not to mention the nerdy, unassuming guy with glasses was a classic disguise. Was he actually...?

Bernard held up his hands and finally admitted, "No, no, I am _definitely _no superhero in disguise. I am regrettably... utterly powerless," he said, shoulders slumping.

I let out a sigh of disappointment. I'm not sure why I actually had any expectation for a different answer. But here I was, you know, just holding out on some faint, completely implausible hope, and then immediately having it dashed. That's what I get, I guess. With a helpless shrug, I feigned a bemused smile as my eyes welled with tears. "Well, damn. Because we could really use one right now."

Bernard lowered his eyebrows in concern. "Roxanne...?" I shook my head and bit my lip, leaning on the table and tightly wrapping my arms over my chest. Not the time for this, definitely not the time for this. I screwed up, and that meant it was all the more important for us to figure out Megamind's plan before he had the chance to retaliate. At the same time, though, it was probably best I broke the bad news to Bernard, in case he wanted the chance to skip town instead of hanging around to find out what Megamind had in store for him.

"I've done... a kinda terrible thing..." I admitted.

"_You_?" he said in disbelief. "Well, I mean, yes, you do have the habit of sticking your nose in places where it doesn't belong and saying inappropriate things." ... Thank you for being so blunt. I guess that meant he saw the report.

I rubbed the heels of my hands over my eyes, which I was sure was smearing my mascara and definitely not giving Bernard the impression that I was a strong, self-sufficient woman. But at this point, I didn't care. If I scared him away from me, maybe it would help keep him safe. "I messed up, and I'm so, so sorry," I said through my palms. I dragged my hands down my face and sighed, my eyes irritatingly puffy. "There's no telling what he'll do to us now that he knows we're moving against him. If you don't want to be a part of this anymore, I completely understand."

Bernard looked at me blankly. "'He'...? Do what to us? What?" He fiddled his fingers to the sides of his head in confusion. "Really. You're not making sense."

I pounded my hand firmly on the table, which made him jump. "Bernard, listen. He killed Metro Man. He ravaged the city. I _know_ him, whatever this next plan is, he's going to try to _top that_. Metro Man was the only person who ever opposed him before, and you saw what happened to him. Now that he knows we're actively against him, well... let's just say that it'll take a lot less than a solar death ray to get us out of the way."

"You _could_ just try not interfering, that would be really nice," he suggested.

"I can't, Bernard," I pleaded. "Like I said, you're free to back out, and I don't blame you, but..." My head sank into my hands. "This is my home. This is my city. I looked up to Metro Man and appreciated everything he did to protect us. And now, because of me, he's gone. And now, because of me, you and the rest of the city are probably in even more danger than before." I began to shake as the tears returned. "I know I'm weak and powerless and don't even know what I'm doing, but _someone_ has to take a stand against him. It'll... probably kill me, but I'm still... I'm still responsible for this, Bernard."

Bernard cocked his head at me, studying me in silence. "You're scared..." he observed, putting his Bachelors of Science in Stating the Obvious to good use. "I've never seen you... actually scared like this before..." He bit his lip and timidly circled his fingertip on the wooden tabletop. "I think I preferred the laughing..."

I chuckled into my hands. It wasn't an amused laugh at all. It was more of a helpless, despairing laugh. Bernard receded into his seat, this obviously not being what he had been going for. I lifted my head to the ceiling and sardonically declared, "I'm going to die. That's it, I'm just... going to die. Megamind's already taken over the city, so I guess the next step up from that is destroying it. Or the world. He's a supervillain, right? Isn't 'destroying the world' kind of the eventual ultimate objective? I'm an idiot. Why am I even wasting my time trying to decipher this when it's all just going to come down to 'BOOM', and then we're all-"

Bernard firmly gripped me by the wrists, snapping me out of my tirade. He caught my eyes with his serious gaze, and it was only now that I noticed how piercingly green his eyes were. I couldn't look away. I couldn't even remember what I'd just been ranting about, his eyes held that much control. The control held only for a moment, though, as now that he had my attention, he appeared to be unsure of what to do with it. Finally, he lowly stated, "Roxanne, Megamind is not going to hurt you."

I blinked back to my senses now that his eyes had lost some of their fire. He sounded so convinced. Had he figured something out? Hesitantly I wondered, "H... how do you know? I mean, he killed Metro Man..."

"That was an accident..."

"An _accident_?" I repeated in disbelief, his control over me slipping further as I descended back into a panic. "You don't _accidentally_ send an orbital death ray into space. You don't _accidentally_ point it at a building. You don't _accidentally_ trick someone into directing a person into that building." Bernard's eyes widened. "You don't..."

The hands around my wrists tightened again. "You don't have to worry about that _ever _happening again," Bernard said firmly. I made the mistake of looking back into his eyes, which had regained that confident, piercing shine. "And you don't have to worry about Megamind ever hurting you. He won't. I promise."

My chest tightened at that declaration and I involuntarily shivered. Was he... promising to protect me? But, this was Bernard, the guy who had just admitted that he had no powers. Then again, I had no powers, either, but I was bound and determined to make a stand. Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised to see other powerless people willing to do the same.

With a sniff and a sigh, I let out a little laugh. A real laugh this time. "Thanks..." I shyly looked at his hands still tightly gripping my wrists and said, "Um... but you're kind of hurting me." His hands were off me as if my arms had just exploded.

* * *

It was a week later, and nothing exciting had happened. Bernard had kept true to his word and remained on the case with me, naively continuing to insist that Megamind would not retaliate. I wanted to believe him, I really did. He was the top expert on all things Megamind, after all, so he _should_ know what he's talking about. I just... couldn't shake this feeling I had. That something was still off. That Megamind was still up to something outside the plans we were still trying to decode.

What _was _Megamind up to right now? My research had led me to predictably conflicting conclusions as to his motives. His criminal record dated back over thirty years, which I found a bit odd since I hadn't pegged him as being much older than that to begin with. Hard data about him from any other source had been surprisingly hard to come by. Just prison records, and that was it, like he'd never existed anywhere else. The rest of the books had been pure speculation or conspiracy, and while they were helpful for ideas, both good and bad, they were sparse on facts. It was in situations like this that I wished I could just invite Megamind out for coffee or something and ask him what's on his mind.

I looked up at Bernard, who was absently swirling his coffee and thoughtfully staring at the small whirlpool of liquid, which had taken on a consistency more akin to syrup due to the insane amount of sugar he'd emptied into it. I rested my cheek on my hand with a bemused grin and wondered, "So, what's on your mind?"

Bernard broke out of his trance, splashing a little coffee on his thumb and shaking his hand before sucking it off. "Mm? Oh, it's nothing, it's just... I haven't really ever interacted with you outside of a 'work' environment, so this change in venue is a bit... it's new."

I laced my fingers around my mug and let it warm my hands, looking out of the cafe window into the mostly-deserted street. "Well, if it would make you more comfortable, we can talk 'business'. I just thought... I dunno, I needed a bit of a break. Slogging through all that research can get a bit oppressive."

He fidgeted more in his seat. "I'm always busy with something, though. I usually only have a limited window of time to work, so I have to make the most of it. So just sitting around doing nothing like this, it makes me feel... well, a bit trapped."

"We don't have to sit around doing nothing," I replied with a shrug. "What do you like to do in your free time?" He looked at me blankly as if he had no idea what that term meant. I wasn't horribly surprised, though, given how adorably socially inept he'd shown himself to be in most other situations. Not wanting to let him worm his way out of it, I stood and took his hand, saying, "You know, let's go find that out."

* * *

"That one? Really?" I said, raising an eyebrow at his selection.

"Of course. I have never ridden one of these _bi-cycles _before, and this one comes with extra stabilizers and a handlebar-mounted audible warning device." He flicked the lever on the bell to ring it, then continued to do so in abject fascination as he curiously examined the device to study all its parts. I just had to shake my head and smile. He had such a childlike wonder about everything, maybe that bike was a good choice for him after all.

He eagerly selected a sky blue helmet ("My favorite color!") that was tricked out with a camera mount and a rearview mirror ("Accessories make everything better!"). I, on the other hand, selected a regular old road bike and a plain pink helmet ("How delightfully boring!").

There might have been a bit of a selfish motivation behind my selection of activities. Thanks to the "busy schedule" that had been forced upon me for most of my adult life, I hadn't had the chance to just go for a pleasant bike ride around the hilltop park in _years_. Hopefully Bernard would appreciate the experience as much as I did, so I'd have an excuse to continue to bring him back here.

I looked to see how he was doing and saw him swerving unsteadily, the training wh... "stabilizers" the only thing keeping his bicycle upright. He was staring at the handlebars in absolute concentration, exclaiming, "The mechanics of this vehicle are simple in principle, but much more difficult in practice!"

A worried expression crossed my face as he continued to fight for control. "Are you going to be okay? I mean, we don't have to do this if you don't-"

"Miss Ritchi, I'll have you know that _no_ mere contraption will ever get the better of me. I've never admitted defeat before, and I'm not about to now!" Bernard then fixated his attention straight back on the stubborn bicycle beneath him and continued to earnestly experiment with its balance and maneuverability.

Something about that warmed my heart. Instead of being frustrated by an obstacle, he instead welcomed it as a challenge. I'd seen that same attitude in a certain someone before, and as much as I hated to admit it, it appealed to me then, too. Unfortunately, Megamind had squandered his charismatic problem-solving gifts on selfish personal gain. If he'd instead put his abilities to use for the betterment of society... but enough of that pipe dream. The purpose of this activity was to forget about our problems for a while, not brood on them.

I waved to Bernard and pointed to a path that went up the hill and through a grove of trees. "Hey, I want to show you something. There's a great place at the top of the hill where-"

"Look, Roxanne! No hands!" Bernard exclaimed as he spread his arms in a slow coast, his bicycle rocking back and forth on its training wheels.

I raised an eyebrow at him and stifled a giggle. "Impressive."

Bernard wobbled and snapped his hands back down on the handlebars, skidding to a halt beside me. "Really? You were really impressed by that?" he wondered excitedly.

"Well, for a guy who's never ridden a bike before, you're certainly already taking a lot of chances." I looked at him coyly, then declared, "Hey, I'll race you to the top!"

"To the... what, wait!" he shouted after me, fumbling his feet on the pedals while I'd already gotten a good head start. He pedaled valiantly, but his single-speed bicycle was still no match for my much more seasoned knowledge of the gearshift. I sailed easily to the top of the hill while he struggled up after me a moment later, panting from exertion. "I... I lost..." he gasped, flopping over his handlebars.

"I don't hold it against you," I said with a smile. He looked up at me with a bit of confusion and apprecation, as I nodded my head to the path and explained, "Come on, it's a smooth downhill grade from here."

He sat up and nudged his bike forward, then looked down in excitement as he began to coast down the hill with no work on his part. As we picked up speed, he lifted his legs from the pedals and let out a childish "Wheeee! What fun!" while ringing his audible warning device.

"You don't get out much, do you?" I observed. I lightly clamped down on the brakes to slow myself as we approached our destination, but I could already tell that this wasn't going to be the serene view that I'd been hoping for. I supposed it should come as no surprise that with the city government only now timidly creeping back into power that the park services hadn't been on the job in quite a while. Overflowing garbage bags littered the lawn as random assortments of discarded papers and wrappers drifted across the grass and clung to trees. Well, this outing had been a good idea while it lasted.

I sighed as Bernard pulled up next to me, gazing forlornly over the ruined scenery. "I used to come here with my mother when I was little. It was my favorite thing to do. Now look at it... It's a dump..."

I turned my eyes from the sullied view and began to coast back down the hill, but stopped when I realized Bernard wasn't following. He remained where he'd stopped, still looking contemplatively over the trash-strewn grounds. "Bernard...?" I questioned.

He snapped out of his daze, but didn't turn to face me. "I was... having a really good time..." he murmured.

I was able to manage a little smile as I walked my bike back towards him. "I'm glad. But there's some things that just can't be helped."

"I don't believe that," he replied firmly. He straightened his shoulders and turned to face me. "Roxanne, I've never in my life been able to... I want to keep experiencing things like this. The way they're supposed to be. The way that... makes you smile." I could feel my cheeks flush a little as he regarded the scene contemplatively once more, then announced, "I want to try this again tomorrow. The right way."

I didn't register what he'd said right away, as I was still stuck on his previous statement. As soon as my brain caught up with him, I blinked and responded, "Wait, what? Bernard, I'd love to come back here with you any time, but it's still going to be like this tomorrow. Nothing's going to change."

Bernard, however, had already pedaled around me and was sailing away down the hill, waving back at me. "I'll see you tomorrooooow!" he called out.

I stood there with my bike for a while, long after he was out of sight, wondering just what he had in mind. The definition of insanity is trying the same thing twice and expecting a different result.

So, what is it called if the result actually meets those expectations?


	10. Be free, my beautiful dove

**Predictable**

_Chapter 10: Be free, my beautiful dove_

* * *

I relaxed languidly on the park bench, taking in the orange and violet clouds as the setting sun turned the glass and steel skyline into towers of shimmering gold. It had been ages since I was able to enjoy this view. And with the way things had been, I had worried that sights like this would be lost to me forever. Yet, through all the torment and tribulations of the past month and a half, a miracle had occurred.

Well, calling it a "miracle" would imply divine intervention, and while I was certain some kind of intervention had occurred, I was suspecting a more humble sort.

I looked over to Bernard, who was slightly reclined with his arms draped over the back of the bench, gaping at the scene before us as if he couldn't believe it was real. It made me feel a little giddy inside seeing him enjoy this place as much as I did, and that I was able to show it to him in its original untarnished beauty.

"So, how do you like my special spot?" I wondered, lacing my fingers around one knee and cocking my head at him. From reading his expression there really had been no need to ask that question, but I just wanted to hear him say something. His overly-dramatic opinions of everything and funny way of stringing words together never failed to put a smile on my face.

"Ohhh, it's even better than a window," he moaned wistfully, not taking his eyes off the glowing cityscape. "I've looked out over the city countless times, but I've never really... _looked _at it before." He let out a soft sigh, his eyebrows lowering in a more somber expression. "With all the battles with Metro Man, it was difficult to see it as anything more than a staging ground. Buildings would get destroyed so regularly, it felt like it didn't even matter. But this..." he raised his hand to indicate the glistening skyline, "... falling to ruin... it seems like such a waste."

I let out a happy little hum as I smiled up at him. "Hmm, yeah, it definitely looks a lot better now that it's gotten a good cleaning." Raising a leering eyebrow, I playfully accused, "Now I wonder who might have been responsible for that."

Bernard darted his eyes towards me once uncomfortably, then continued to look out over the city as if he was deep in thought. Once my prodding stare wore him down enough, he finally gulped and suggested, "Mmmmmmmmmaybe it was Megamind who cleaned it all up?"

Pull the other one. I let out a barked laugh and gave him a friendly shove on the shoulder. "Come on, Bernard, I'm asking seriously! The entire city was cleaned up overnight! That would take someone of amazing means and competence, extreme dedication, an entire army of assistants..."

"Yup, sounds like Megamind all right," Bernard repeated, bobbing his head. I gaped at him as he continued to enjoy the view as if his answer made perfect sense and required no further explanation. Finally, he glanced back at me and wondered, "What?" Oh, come on, seriously? Bernard shrugged and explained, "I'm not saying that he's taken up a hobby of trash collection, but I'm sure a person of his intellect appreciates order and neatness." He chopped the side of his hand into his palm as he straightened his shoulders seriously. "Everything in its place."

I turned my eyes away and contemplated this. "So, instead of turning over a new leaf, you think that this cleanup might be a part of Megamind's master plan? Like washing your neck for the executioner? Dressing a bird for the roast?"

"Why are you reading so much negativity into this?" Bernard wondered, sounding almost offended. "You've always said aggravating things, but they were aggravating because they were overly-confident and optimistic. Now it's like you've fallen completely the other direction."

I rubbed my forehead and drew my fingers out through my bangs. "Yeah, well... seeing a guy you used to consider harmless gloating over the charred skeleton of your friend can change your perspective on things." I let out a sigh and hunched over my legs, clasping my hands. "I'm sorry... for being such a downer. I just... I _want_ to believe that things will be okay. With all my heart, I really do. But if even _Metro Man_ couldn't save us from this, then I... I just can't."

"What would it take?" Bernard asked seriously. I turned my head to look up at him, brows furrowed, not understanding the question. He leaned towards me and repeated, "What would it take for you to believe in heroes again? To go back to being that confident Roxanne I always admired?"

My face flushed, my breath caught in my throat. Was he serious? He was asking like he had the power to do something about it, but he'd already indirectly denied any responsibility for the city's cleanup. Did he want me to voice my concerns so that perhaps _someone _could hear them? I couldn't fathom what he was trying to get at, but if he wanted to know, so be it. "I just... wish everything could get put back the way it was," I admitted.

"When the world was perfect and rosy?" he wondered.

Well, not quite. "The way things were" still involved me getting kidnapped more often than I'd like (the ideal number would be zero) and Megamind and Metro Man disrupting the city with their ritual squabbles. Still, though... "It was good enough," was the best I could call it.

"Iiii think things might be slowly headed in that direction," Bernard said, his eyes turned up with a hinting tone in his voice.

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "You know something," I concluded.

"Of course. In fact, I know many things. Comes with the territory of being a supergenius, after all," he replied.

My face scrunched up, but I couldn't help it. I laughed. Somehow, he'd gotten through my defenses once again, and honestly, I did not mind. This weight of paranoia on my heart that Megamind would just unexpectedly show up and stab me in the back was unbearable. I wanted Bernard to be right. I wanted to believe in heroes again. But it was going to take a lot more than a stealth litter pickup to convince me.

* * *

The evenings of the next few weeks were spent on the laborious task of attempting to recreate the entire setup of Megamind's Idea Wall in the confines of my own apartment. Bernard's seemingly innocuous assertion that everything in Megamind's Lair "had its place" made me wonder if the positioning of the papers in relation to each other in 3-D space gave any clue as to their meaning.

Unfortunately, while I'd had the time to snap pictures that I was pretty sure included the totality of his scrawlings, I didn't have enough to accurately judge where one section hung in relation to another. It was frustrating, to be certain, but I was up to the challenge. It meant that I would have to figure out the plot's organizational structure on my own instead of simply having it presented to me, meaning that I'd be able to pick up hints as to his thought process that I likely wouldn't if I was merely copying a diagram.

"So, that's what I'm thinking," I finished explaining the above thought process to Bernard as he stood blankly staring at the mobile of papers surrounding him. I clipped one more piece to a suspended clothespin and wondered, "Does this sound... at all reasonable to you? Please don't tell me I'm crazy."

"Oh, no, not crazy..." he assured, rubbing a hand over his cheek and glancing through my handiwork. "Just..." he let his hands drop and sighed. "Roxanne, don't you think you're becoming a bit obsessive about this?"

"I have to be just as obsessive as he is if I want a chance of getting ahead of him," I reasoned. "He's plotting something evil, and even if I can't stop him, I can at least go on the air and warn everyone beforehand. It's the least I can do!"

"Well, what if this plot is something bad... but in a good way?" he suggested. "Who knows, maybe it's something that will end up making the city a better place."

"Or maybe it will make the city a crater," I quipped back.

"Or maybe you're looking at this completely irrationally!" he retorted, a desperate, pleading glint in his eyes. I froze, unaccustomed to that volume of outburst from him. We stood in silence a moment, Bernard's shoulders heaving slightly.

Bernard was the one who finally broke the silence again, swallowing awkwardly before whispering, "Sometimes the world isn't as dark and cruel as you think it is, if only you'd open yourself to that possibility."

I looked at him quizzically, not sure if I understood what he was trying to imply. Before I could ask for clarification, though, his watch beeped and he brought his wrist up to look at it. "Ooh, perfect timing. Roxanne, I think we've had enough 'plotting' for today and now would be an excellent time for a little outing."

"Outing?" I questioned as he pushed me towards the door. "But... we just got all these hung, now it's time to start the analysis..."

"Oh, but I anticipate this outing will prove to be inspiring," he responded.

"What? Why? Bernard, where are we going?" But I couldn't protest any longer as herded me down the hall to whatever destination he had in mind.

* * *

"Really, Bernard, what is this all about?" I couldn't help but giggle at our current situation, though. He'd insisted I close my eyes once we got out of the car as he led me down the sidewalk to wherever we were going. He'd finally resorted to using his hands to blind me as he led me up some steps and into a building, but I still couldn't discern where we were. Wherever it was, it smelled clean, spacious, and had a soft white glow all around.

Bernard slowly removed his hands, and as my vision came back into focus, I saw that he'd taken me to the Metro Museum of Art. It had been ransacked dry months ago but now... "They're all back..." I gasped, spreading my arms and spinning to take it all in, paintings and sculptures now filling the once-barren walls. "But how... why...?"

Bernard folded his hands behind his back and shrugged. "Maybe Megamind isn't so bad after all." I raised a curious eyebrow at him, but in all honesty, I was having a hard time coming up with an alternative explanation. True, Megamind had no need for an art collection, but to then return it to the city...? Was the gesture _really _as innocuous as Bernard had suggested?

Well, either way, another piece of Metro City that had been destroyed in the aftermath of that fateful day had been restored. He'd promised me an "outing" that would make me feel better, and it certainly lived up to the hype. It was like everything was slowly piecing back together... going back to normal... and I hadn't had to lift a finger.

Maybe... he was right. Maybe I was wearing myself down too hard over this. All my doom and gloom outlooks, and the public services had resumed operation, the city had been cleaned, the stolen goods returned, all right under my nose. And I'd been treating that like it didn't make a difference.

I led Bernard to the displays, wondering, "But still, why do you think Megamind would return these? These are priceless works of art and he just... gave them back with no ultimatum."

Bernard glanced over the collection on the wall and muttered, "Yes, yes, I'm sure he had a lot of use for pictures of obese naked people frolicking through forests and fields."

I giggled, having not really expected he'd have a keen eye for art. "Okay, well, what about this one?" I said, motioning to a piece of abstract art. "What does this look like to you?"

"It's... a bunch of colored shapes and swirls," he observed. He glanced around the frame and noted, "There's no tag on it, so how are you supposed to tell what it is?"

I folded my hands behind my back and rocked on my feet, smiling. "Well, I guess that's the nice thing about art. No one can tell you the right way to interpret it. You're free to give it whatever meaning you want."

He looked at me with a somewhat confused expression, then went back to examining the painting with a cocked head. I stepped forward and explained, "I think this part looks like the sun rising over the earth, and this piece over here is the moon." I looked up to him and wondered, "What do you think it looks like?"

He furrowed his eyes at the painting again and repeated, "The sun and the earth... but that's only the one corner. There's these red and blue swirly things and something that looks like a chili pepper, how do they figure in to your interpretation? You're just picking out the one piece you can shape into something that conforms to what you can easily recognize and discarding the rest." He spread his arms to the painting and declared, "It's a chili pepper with its hair on fire seated dejectedly on a slice of squash in the middle of the ocean, being pushed out to sea by a giant blueberry on the sand dune with a pineapple slice and cherry on its head."

I was about to commend him for his original interpretation when he clenched his fists and declared, "They shun the chili pepper because he is not a fruit like them! He is bold and spicy, while they are soft and sweet, and they said to him, 'No, chili pepper! You are being shipped away to prison because we cannot stand your spiciness! The giant blueberry is king here because he wears the golden pineapple crown. With a cherry on top!'" Bernard almost gave out a heartfelt sob as he turned back to me. "A cherry! They never gave the chili pepper a cherry! Not one!"

I stood in shocked silence at his sudden enthusiasm for the painting. I examined it, rubbing my finger over my lip in an attempt to see what he saw. He was right, there was definitely more there than the "safe" interpretation of the sun, earth, and moon that I'd had. I didn't know what more I could add to his critique, so smiled and shrugged, saying, "Well, if it makes the chili feel any better, there _is_ such a thing as a cherry pepper."

* * *

It was well after dark by the time I got home, but I was contentedly exhausted from my day. The restored museum, the clean streets, the police returned to their beats... going out with Bernard was like walking into this foreign world full of... normalcy. Safety. Given my life up until now, I wondered if I would someday bore of it.

Was my irritability as of late some kind of withdrawal symptom? I had the normal, uneventful life that I'd always wanted, where all the drama was, admittedly, of my own making. Megamind had been strangely silent for months, aside from the gradual restoration of the city which Bernard seemed to think was his doing.

Really, the only hard evidence that Megamind even still existed was the collage of papers hanging from my ceiling, a plot yet to be hatched concealed somewhere within the jumble. It was the only thing left staring me in the face, telling me that I couldn't relax just yet.

I sighed in tired frustration, pulling a piece of paper from its clip and examining it blurrily. Bernard had effortlessly combined all the disjointed images in that abstract painting and drawn some kind of meaning out of all of it, but that meaning belonged to him alone. I could jumble these pieces around at will and potentially come up with some sort of crazy story to string them all together, but unlike art, this plot had a predetermined correct interpretation.

Where do I even start, though? I'd read all those psychological studies, police records, and conspiracy theories, but all I'd really been able to garner from all that was that Megamind was a terrible person, and always had been. Unfortunately, that information had failed to produce any leads.

So what about my experiences with him? I'd spent more time with him personally than all of those authors combined. If I could put that together with what I'd read, maybe it would help me see the bigger picture. Look at the whole instead of just the pieces.

I closed my eyes and attempted to envision Megamind in my head. What was he doing? What was his thought process that led up to the creation of this convoluted plot?

From the blackness, a form began to take shape. Blue and black and dimly lit, I saw a figure hunched over a desk, scribbling seriously on page after page, tossing the completed pages in a pile around him on the floor. It was a heavy, brooding scene before me, and it tugged at my heart to see that this was what Megamind had become.

It... was Megamind, wasn't it? His skin was blue, who else could it be? But as I peered at the image in my mind, I saw that it lacked a face. Why couldn't I remember his face? I'd seen him enough, I knew what he looked like, yet for some reason my mind was unable to attach his face to this hunched, glowering figure.

"Who is that supposed to be?" came a voice from the darkness. I stiffened and looked around, and finally spotted another figure of Megamind hanging above me, as if seated on an invisible ledge. This Megamind, however, had a face, and he was looking down at me curiously.

"It's... it's you," I explained. "It's what you became after you killed Metro Man." I tried my best to sound convincing, but even I was having a hard time being certain of myself.

Megamind jumped down from his perch and landed lightly on his feet before me, his cape swirling about his body. I took a step back as he straightened, but he made no move towards me. "Oh, that's me, is it?" he wondered, folding his arms behind his back and strutting a slow circle around me. "Is that me, or merely an apparition of me born solely of your own fears?"

I swallowed uneasily as he stopped beside the faceless rendition of himself, still tirelessly scratching away at his evil schemes. It was true that I'd never actually _seen_ Megamind behave in the way that my mind was projecting. I'd merely... assumed the worst and defaulted to the most horrible, evil, terrifying thing I could imagine, multiplied by six. And it was what I had _imagined _that I had been basing all my assumptions on.

The brooding Megamind faded away into the darkness. The slate was blank. But where do I start from here?

The remaining Megamind nodded his head in satisfaction and turned back to me. "Your memories of me may not paint the picture you expect, but you can't simply discard them because they're inconvenient to your narrative. Look at everything, and it will all come together." He extended a hand to me and beckoned, "Let me show you." I regarded him hesitantly, my hand twitching, but not rising to meet his. He repeated the gesture, more firmly this time, but his voice more pleading. "Let me _show _you..."

Once upon a time, I'd trusted him. I would have refused this gesture then, too, but only out of principle, not because I thought he would hurt me. And not because... I wasn't interested in what he had to show me. It was just business. If he was going to go around kidnapping me, I had no obligation to humor any of his requests.

But this wasn't a kidnapping. If anything, I'd kidnapped him, dragging him into my own head to demand he reveal his secrets. And now he was beckoning me, telling me he'd show me. I just had to take that step. To trust him.

Tentatively, I reached out and took his hand. His gloved fingers immediately closed around mine, and he responded with a satisfied, yet excited grin. I allowed myself the smallest reservations about his intentions, but suddenly the darkness lifted like a curtain, pulling back to reveal the interior of Megamind's lair, the light from the overhead lamps and dusty windows downright dazzling by comparison. Instead of the dim, dingy, cold colors of my previous vision, this place glowed with oranges, yellows, and whites. The papers hanging from his idea wall suddenly swarmed me like a mass of butterflies, causing me to lose sight of Megamind in the commotion. There was nothing threatening about this onslaught, though, as it felt more akin to being caught in an autumn breeze amidst a flurry of multicolored leaves.

The papers parted and Megamind came racing through atop a rolling ladder, snatching up a sheet from the air and flourishing it over his head. "When you're planning big, you've got to think on your feet!" He snapped the paper in place on a string suspended from the ceiling before whirling the ladder around and diving for the next sheet. "Lay out your template and fill in the blanks!" He bent over backwards to catch another piece before hanging it off to the side. "Make it flexible!"

I reached for a page in front of me and looked around examining the empty spaces as he continued to dart around the area seemingly haphazardly, hanging papers in a fashion that appeared completely random. But as I was trying to make sense of it, he whizzed on by and plucked the sheet from my hand and hung it on a free clip without even looking. "Too slow, Miss Ritchi! You're overthinking things!"

"Hey!" I let out a slightly annoyed, but somewhat amused snort and grabbed another page. Okay, then, if I'm not supposed to think about it... I attached the page to the nearest free clip, but was immediately caught from behind. I let out a surprised yelp as Megamind had traded his ladder for his padded desk chair, and had pulled me up to stand on the seat with him as he continued his skate across the room.

"A fine line exists between overthinking and not thinking whatsoever, Miss Ritchi," he explained as he removed the page I'd just hung. "There are things you know in your heart without having to think. For instance!" He pushed the paper back into my hand, then took my wrist and pointed my arm at an empty hanger. "Is the city in the worst state it's ever been?"

"Well, no..." I admitted, tentatively hanging the paper where he'd indicated. "But there's still- ah!" He spun the chair, forcing me to hold onto him to keep from getting flung off.

He plucked another page between two fingers, then clasped my hand with the same hand and stretched out my arm as we continued to spin in some strange desk chair tango. "And have I ever threatened you with any honest harm?"

"Even if you did, it would never work," I quipped back with a smirk. I hung the page myself while still keeping an eye on him, his eyebrow raised in that familiar seductive way. "And..." I continued, reaching out to snatch a page on my own as our spinning slowed, one of his hands at my waist and the other at my shoulder, "No matter what you do, someone will always be there to reign you in."

The chair came to a rest, and the two of us stood amidst the kaleidoscope of gently swaying colored papers. He looked me in the eye and grinned softly, saying, "I think someone already has." His hand on my shoulder slowly slid to my back as he leaned towards me. "It's true, I've changed, Miss Ritchi, but not in the way you've been fearing..."

I blinked dreamily, closing my eyes and allowing him to close the gap between us, lightly placing a hand on his chest as-

Wait, what the HELL am I doing?

I shot up awake, panting and brushing my hair out of my face. The dizzying array of pages were still strung before me, but I was alone, in my own apartment, passed out on the sofa with a jumbled assortment of papers laying on top of me. I shook my head, trying to clear away the unwelcome images that had resurfaced in my subconscious.

... Resurfaced. Yeah, okay, so maybe I'd had a few "Megamind fantasies" back in the day when it was all a game and he was funny and harmless. But certain events had caused those thoughts of him to become heavily suppressed, replaced by manufactured thoughts whose purpose was to deny that I'd ever felt positively about him. Caring about a supervillain was horribly inappropriate, after all.

And like most inappropriate things, it had also felt damn refreshing.


End file.
